Randomness and Such

No Sugarcoating

2012-02-01T16:36:00.002-05:00

This morning on the radio, my favorite morning show DJ’s were discussing a controversial ad campaign currently happening in the state of Georgia. The campaign called “Stop Sugarcoating it, Georgia” is meant to fight child obesity, which is soaring above 40% in Georgia. This campaign features several print and video ads portraying obese children saying things like, “Mom, why am I fat?” and “My doctor says I have hypertension”. The ads target the parents of obese children in hopes to educate them about the effect their child’s diet has on their physical and emotional well being. There has been a cry of outrage against this campaign from groups saying that the ads shame children for being overweight and that the state needs to find a better way to combat obesity.

I have seen the ads. You can view them here: http://strong4life.com/. I think that for the most part, the ads are clear about who their target audience is—the parents of obese children. The ads do not target overweight children directly; however, as an obese person myself, I can say that I did feel uncomfortable watching the ad. I suppose that is the point. For the most part, I think the ads are okay. I resent the statement in two of the ads that “being fat takes the fun out of being a kid.” I have been a fat kid since the first grade, and while I did suffer greatly from the years of teasing, I still remember having a whole lot of fun as a kid. I don’t like them implying that being fat ruins your entire quality of life. Overweight children, and adults for that matter, may feel some level of shame from watching these ads; however, I don’t think it is as extreme as the groups rallying against it are saying.

What absolutely floored me this morning was not the content of these controversial ads. It was the discussion my morning show DJ’s had following. Two out of the three of them have been overweight in the past and lost the weight. All three of them struggle or have struggled with body image. This is all the more reason why I was surprised when their stance on the matter was that fat people should be shamed into losing weight. The two that had been overweight in the past credited their weight loss to moments when they had been made to feel ashamed for being overweight. They went on to say that the only way a fat person will truly take action to lose weight is to make them feel ashamed of the way they are.

Am I alone in thinking that shame is a horrible motivator??

In fact, one of the very reasons I am obese is because of shame. Somewhere along the way I learned to suppress my negative emotions by eating. When I am overcome by anxiety, grief, and depression, I eat. Eating takes my mind off of the negative emotions, albeit for a short time. And when I feel ashamed or guilty for overeating, guess what? I eat more. I have endured years of painful teasing that makes me feel ashamed of the fact that I am obese. The anguish that this feeling of guilt causes only perpetuates the problem. It does not provide me with the motivation necessary to overcome the problem. Instead, it forces me deeper and deeper into the problem. I know I am not alone in this.

No, shaming a person for overeating is not the answer. The answer is fullness. We overeat to satisfy a hunger that is not physical. Food was created to fill our empty bellies. We use it to medicate our hurting souls. The sure way to cure obesity is to provide something so satisfying that food is not needed to cover up the hurt. The only thing I know of in this entire universe that can do that is through a relationship with Jesus Christ. When he died on the cross, he took our shame and it was crucified with him. He is our comfort, our peace, and our hope. Food satisfies our stomach temporarily. His love satisfies the heart forever.

I am obese. My flesh is weak. But my heart is made whole through Jesus. This world may try to shame me into being thinner, but that won’t get anyone anywhere. My healing journey and my deliverance from obesity will be because Jesus heals my hurts and takes away my shame.

2011 In Review

2012-01-22T10:36:00.004-05:00

I have been avoiding writing the 2011 in Review blog entry because 2011 wasn't my favorite year ever. When I look back on it now, I find that this past year was a challenging one. But rather than focus on all of the personal challenges that I faced and continue to face, I have pulled a few highlights from 2011 that are positive and worth talking about.

1. My 30th birthday. 2011 was a milestone year as far as birthdays go! My actual birthday was a difficult day, just dealing with the thought of the number 30 being my age. But aside from a few moments of panic in which the reality of aging slapped me in the face, it was a great celebration. My mom was in town visiting for my birthday and she and my husband treated me like a queen the whole week. I felt so special and so loved, and I know that I will always look back on my 30th birthday as one of my favorites. In addition to the fun celebration, my 30th birthday inspired me to write a list of 30 things to do this year while I'm 30. This list has given me positive things to look forward to, and has allowed me to step out and do things that I've always wanted to do but never got around to. I've been blogging about it here: http://30while30.blogspot.com

2. Jury Duty. I know, I know, jury duty isn't something that most people get excited about, but when I received my first summons for jury duty in 2011, I was so excited. I was even more thrilled when I actually got picked to sit on a jury! I spent three days in Judge David French's courtroom hearing a civil lawsuit between an 89 year old lady and an insurance company. Although the case matter itself was as boring as you can get (it was all about roofing and hurricane damage), I was rivetted every second that I was in that courtroom. Seeing the legal system in action was informative and exciting. I loved it and I would love to do it again.

3. Christmas vacation. My 2011 Christmas vacation back home in Cincinnati was my favorite one to date--except for the fact that it was shorter than the others! The main thing this Christmas break had going for it was that I was actually NOT sick for a change! I thank God for that, and the fact that it was unseasonably warm in Cincinnati so the cold weather didn't have a chance to take its toll on me. Perhaps because my year was such a personally challenging one, the visit home at the end of the year seemed that much sweeter.

So that's it, those are the highlights. Now let's see what 2012 has in store for me.

Cooking Woes

2011-12-08T18:50:00.001-05:00

I haven't written an entry like this since the Great Crockery Woes of 2008. (Read it here for a refresher or if you haven't read it yet...I guarantee it will make you laugh out loud: http://jennafelton.blogspot.com/2008/11/crockery-woes.html). Tonight is just one of those evenings where a whole bunch of little things work together to make one bad night. But ya gotta laugh...right?

Tobin works late every night, so it's up to me to cook dinner. Usually by the time I get home from work, feed the guinea pigs, and get out of my work clothes, I don't have the energy to cook anything good. However, tonight I had all the ingredients to make chicken and rice, so I was going to prepare a nice meal for a change. Or so I thought.

Strike one: I thought I had cream of chicken soup, but didn't. However, I did have two small cans of cream of mushroom, so I was going to substituite no problem.

Strike two: I opened and poured one can of cream of mushroom into the pan. When I opened the second, just before I poured it, I realized it was actually tomato soup. I had no second can of cream of mushroom.

Strike three: I remembered I had a can of cream of celery (the most inferior of the "cream of" soups) hidden waaaay back in the pantry. I decided I'd use that because I had no other options. Only when I pulled it out--after moving EVERYTHING out of the way to get to it, mind you--I discovered that it was actually cream of onion soup. Definately not gonna work.

---In baseball this is where they say, "YOU'RE OUT!". I shoulda taken a hint from that, but I kept going---

Strike four: I thought I'd just make a half recipe (if that was even possible in my big pan) using the one tiny can of cream of mushroom I had. That's when I discovered that the milk was sour.

Strike five: At this point, I was really wishing I could just call Tobin and have him pick the stuff I need up on his way home from work, but he works late so I couldn't do that. So I tried to think of alternatives. Shake N Bake? None left. Cornflake chicken? No eggs. Skillet chicken divan? No broccoli. I finally realized I had to get my clothes back on (I was in PJ's, not naked) and go to the store.

Strike six: Going to the store when you're in a hurry never turns out good. Every slow driver will get in front of you, you will hit every red light, and you will be in a long line of people who all want to argue with the cashier how many cents they should be getting off with coupons they have.

Strike seven: I got home to the smell of something burning. I had preheated the oven and a pan that was on top of the burner that vents the stove heat was smoking.

Strike eight: I was rinsing the chicken off in the sink and dropped one of the nicer breasts down the garbage disposal.

Strike nine: When stirring the mushroom soup/milk/rice together, my hand slipped and shot a huge spoonful into my face and down the front of my shirt. (I had not put my PJ's back on yet...it was my dress shirt).

Stirke ten: Tobin walked in the door an hour early, just as I was putting dinner in the oven. He got out of work early and could have gone to the store after all.

Ha! <--- see, I'm laughing about it. Kinda.

Target Dreaming

2011-07-07T11:26:00.006-04:00

As I've said before, I have a very active dream life. Last night was no exception. This particular dream had me laughing hysterically--both in the dream and afterwards.

In my dream, my friend Daniela and I were roomates. We were both still married, but for whatever reason our husbands were out of the picture for an extended period of time so we decided to get an apartment together. We were given a Target gift card--perhaps as a housewarming gift. So there we were shopping at Target, trying to decide how to use our gift card, and it was not easy to come to an agreement. At first, I thought we should spend the gift card on groceries or something practical of that nature. Daniela vetoed this idea, suggesting instead that we use the gift card for something fun with which to decorate our apartment. We started to look around, and Daniela found a glass bowl that she was in love with. It was a pretty bowl, I'll admit. It was brown glass and it was filled with pretty potpourri flowers. The only problem with the bowl was what it said on the side.

"Daniela, we can't get that!" I exclaimed. "It says 'BARREN'" on the side.

"Exactly!" she replied. "It describes our apartment perfectly!"

I gave her my best whatchoo-talkin-bout-willis stares. "Daniela..." I said, "'Barren' means we can't have children."

"OH!" She says, putting the bowl down. Shrugging, she says, "I thought it meant 'spacious'".

We proceeded to look through the housewares section, searching for the perfect item. I found a candle in the shape of a cinnamon roll that smelled exactly like a cinnamon roll. I made Daniela smell it and asked if we could get that. She ignored me because something else had caught her eye.

"I want this!" She exclaimed, as she pulled a cupcake costume off the shelf. I gave her another one of my stares in response. I was wondering why anyone would want to dress up as a cupcake, but that thought left my mind as I watched with wide eyes as Daniela proceeded to try on the cupcake costume right there in the middle of the Target. She was struggling with it big time. I was laughing at her trying to squeeze into it. It was definately too small for her. But the funniest part was watching her try to get OUT of the costume. She was stuck in it! I was laughing to the point of tears watching her squirm and flail, trying to get the cupcake costume off.

I'm LOLing right now just remembering it.

My Glass House Dream

2011-06-13T11:00:00.005-04:00

I have very vivid and strange dreams on a regular basis. I consider this to be a gift, in some ways. My dreams play out like movies while I sleep, complete with solid plot lines and detailed scenery. This detailed dreaming has driven some of the stories I write...and vice versa. Usually my dreams keep me entertained while I sleep, but occasionally I have a dream that makes me think and examine myself hours after I'm awake. Last night, I had such a dream.

In my dream, I lived in a two story house that was made entirely of glass windows. The entire dream took place inside this home. I was scared. I was more scared than I have ever been because HE was coming. I'm still not exactly sure who HE was, but whoever he was, he was bad. A trained killer. And he was after me. The first thing I did was call over my friends, police officers who were parked accross the street. I had them sit in the chairs on the front porch, guarding the front door.

Leaving them outside, I turned inside and ran around, desperate with panic. I knew I didn't have much time before the evil man got to my house and tried to break in, so I was frantically running around trying to lock all of the windows. I started with the foyer area near the front door. The windows here were brand new and nice. Some were even beautiful stained glass. I finished with this area quickly because most of the windows were made of unbreakable glass and couldn't be opened from the outside.

From there, I moved on to the living room and dining room. Most of the windows here were the kind you would find in a typical suburban home. I was able to latch them quickly and feel satisfied that HE couldn't get in there.

Next, I ran downstairs, and my anxiety grew. This wasn't an area of the house I went to often. It was just a large empty space covered in cobwebs. The windows down here were older, with rusty weak latches. I had trouble locking them. I began crying fearful tears as I realized that some of them just would not lock. And to my dismay, as I kept running from window to window, it seems as if the length of the room went on forever. The evil man was drawing nearer and I would never have time to lock all of these windows in time. Frantic, I ran to the other end of the house as fast as I could, desperate to lock whatever windows I could. I found myself at the end of the room in a dark area. The windows here were covered in dirt and grime so that the sun couldn't shine through. Weeds had grown up the side of the glass. I tried to turn the rusty latches, but they would not budge. Some of the glass on these windows was even broken and cracking. This area was not safe at all.

My dream ended there, with me standing in that part of my house, my heart overflowing with anxiety, and the evil man was upon me. And then I woke up.

This dream seems to symbolize what I have been going through lately. I have recently started dealing with issues that have plagued me for most of my life. Deep, emotional issues that are easier left hidden but must be dealt with for me to be healthy. The fact that my house was made entirely of glass in the dream symbolizes my new transparency--my willingness to deal with these issues. I think the evil man in my dream, the trained killer, represents Satan and his lies--the lies that I have bought into, thus causing my emotional issues. The sections of my house represent parts of my heart and soul, and you can see from the condition of the windows how prepared I am when faced with an attack from the enemy. My foyer, the part of my heart that is closest to the surface and on display for people to see, was heavily fortified. The glass was unbreakable and there were even guards at the door. The deeper into my house/heart I went, the weaker the windows became. And then there was the back of the house. This represents the area of my heart that is broken and weak. This is where the enemy is most likely to attack. This is where I am most vulnerable. In my dream, I was left standing here--in an area of my house/heart that I never went to--knowing that an attack was coming. I believe this is where I am right now. The enemy has been attacking me here for years, but I have been ignoring it, choosing instead to stay upstairs where it is safe and sunny. God is bringing me to the dark parts of my heart, parts that I've been scared to examine. However, the good news is that he's not going to leave me alone there. I'm going to let God clean up the grime, tear away the weeds, and mend the broken glass.

Book Review: Unsinkable

2011-06-12T19:19:00.004-04:00

Unsinkable by Abby Sunderland and Lynn Vincent is the recounting of Abby Sunderland's attempt to break the record for being the youngest girl to sail around the world solo. The book provides details of Abby's preparations for the trip, her experiences while on the trip, and of course, the destruction of her boat and the dramatic high seas rescue. The book is told from three different perspectives: Abby's, the Sunderland family's, and the rescuers'. Abby herself writes the sections that detail her personal preparations for the trip as well as her time on the boat and relections after the rescue. Lynn Vincent tells the story from the viewpoint of Abby's family and boat crew. The men who rescued Abby also contributed to describe her rescue from their point of view.

Abby's story is one of determination and hope. It is a touching and inspirational story about a young girl following her dream at all costs. I personally remember when Abby first set out on her journey and followed closely as the media reported when she went missing at sea. At the time, I felt drawn to this girl's story and prayed for her safe return. It is a gripping story, and a good read.

Book Review: Couples Who Pray

2011-03-26T11:44:00.004-04:00

When reading this review, please keep in mind that I am reviewing the BOOK Couples Who Pray by Squire Rushell and Louise DuArt. I will start by saying that the idea of couples praying together for 40 days and charting the improvements they see in their lives and their marriage is an idea I can really get behind. I think it is a phenomenal idea. In fact, I am in the midst of the challenge right now, on day 15 of praying with my husband for at least five minutes a day. I encourage every couple to give the 40 day prayer challenge a try!

That being said, my task is to review the book and not the idea. I thought that this book was poorly written and boring. The ideas seemed thrown together haphazardly and the book was not organized very well. The testimony from semi-famous couples leave a lot to be desired. It certainly could not hold my attention. I do not recommend this book. However, I do recommend the website advertised in the book: www.coupleswhopray.com. The website lays out the 40 day prayer challenge in a concise way, with electronic questionnaires and an online journal to help you chart your progress. If you want to get started on the 40 day prayer challenge, skip the book and go to the website.

I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own.

Book Review: Invasion by J.S. Lewis

2011-02-16T12:22:00.002-05:00

Invasion by J.S. Lewis is the first in a series of novels called the C.H.A.O.S. series. It is a science fiction novel about recently orphaned Colt McAllister who discovers a family legacy of fighting aliens and big corporate conspiracies. He quickly learns that the car accident that killed his parents was no accident at all and embarks on a mission to take down the evil corporation responsible. Along the way, he befriends Danielle and Oz, and finds out the truth about his grandfather's past as a C.H.A.O.S. agent. This science fiction novel is full of twists and suspense every step of the way.

This novel is written for teens, so the language used is easy to understand. I think that the author could have been a bit more descriptive at times. The heavy action scenes seem to start and end abruptly with little or no build-up. Overall, it is a good story and leaves you excited for the next book in the end. I would highly recommend this book for teenagers.

A Thought About God's Faithfulness

2011-02-11T14:53:00.001-05:00

I was just pondering God's faithfulness to provide my every need and I was reminded of the time he gave me a banana. Here's how it went down: I was working at CCU and for whatever reason, I was alone in the office for several hours so I couldn't leave the front desk area. It was in the morning before lunch time and I had skipped breakfast. I remember being very lightheaded and my vision was going dark. I was near passing out. I prayed that God would help sustain me. Immediately after I prayed this, a student walked by, placed a banana on my desk and said "this is for you" and kept on walking. If God will give me a banana when I'm hungry, I'm willing to bet he'll give me anything else I need as well!

2010 In Review

2011-01-04T15:51:00.000-05:00

It’s hard to believe that 2010 has come to an end. It all seems to be a blur. Because of that fact, my review of the year will be a rather short one.

Two Thousand Ten (as I prefer to call it, rather than twenty ten) began with uncertainty. Tobin still had not found a job in South Florida and we knew we couldn’t stay in my dad’s guest room for much longer. We were on the verge of getting plans in place to move back to Cincinnati when Tobin finally landed a job at the end of January. We promptly signed a lease on a beautiful apartment with a golf course view and moved out of my dad’s guest room. One week later Tobin lost his brand new job. The months that followed were incredibly stressful. Our budget was stretched thin. We were living in an apartment we could not afford. We could not settle on a church or make friends easily. Visits from friends and my mom were the only bright spots in those months.

But God is faithful.

After a lot of prayer, we finally decided that Tobin was meant to start school again to study his true passion: computer programming. He’s studied programming for fun since he was a teenager and it finally hit us that maybe God put this interest in his life for a reason. He began taking classes at Palm Beach State College in August, and ever since then, it’s been clear that this is what God wanted him to do at this moment in life. Since Tobin has started school—and we have been relying on my income alone which is not enough—God has been finding creative ways to supply us with our monetary needs. From a surprise bonus at my work to unexpected Christmas gifts…the gap has been filled every single month. I tear up just thinking about it. Honestly. How can anyone say God doesn’t exist or that he doesn’t care about us? I see it proved to me every time I balance my check book and realize that once again we’re in the clear.

Because of Tobin’s excitement for what he’s learning in school, I have had a major attitude shift as well. Working hard at a job I don’t necessarily aspire to hold the rest of my life is no longer such a chore. Instead, I am thankful and even thrilled that I have the chance to put my husband through school. He’s so excited about what he’s doing that it makes it hard for me to not be excited as well!

2010 was kind to me in the realm of friendships. Not only have I managed to keep my connections with my dear beloved friends in Cincinnati, I also met new friends here in South Florida. Tobin and I joined a small group and met two other married couples in the area that we really get along with well. It was perfect timing on God’s part to have us join that group when we did. In addition, I met a friend at work who has quickly become one of my closest confidents. (Yes, Daniela, of course you get mentioned in my blog entry). Every now and then, a kindred spirit comes along and I am lucky enough to have met one in 2010.

Also in 2010, Tobin and I adopted two guinea pigs. Don't laugh. I love Tittle and Marley more than I thought I could love a rodent. :) They bring me joy every single day.

So much for short. I guess I remembered more than I thought! All in all, 2010 started off rocky and has ended on a high note. God is good. And now I say: Bring it on, 2011!

Book Review: Then Sings My Soul

2010-12-10T19:20:00.002-05:00

Then Sings My Soul (Special Edition) by Robert J. Morgan gives the background of hundres of popular hymns and Christmas songs. The book also includes the sheet music and lyrics for each of the songs. I loved this book! It was so interesting to read the stories behind the lyrics and to gain insight into the lives of the song writers. The book would make a perfect gift for anyone who loves those familiar traditional hymns. Even as a person from the younger generation of the church--the generation that grew up with contemporary worship style--I was able to gain a deeper understanding of the meaning behind these songs. The stories I read will stick with me and surley make my worship experience that much richer.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year...(Almost)

2010-11-12T15:25:00.003-05:00

Is it just me or is everyone getting into the holiday spirit much earlier this year? I seem to have an outrageous number of friends how are finished--yes, FINISHED with their Christmas shopping. Sadly, this year I will not be participating in the beloved tradition of Christmas shopping. I try not to think about that fact too often, because Christmas shopping is one of my most favorite things to do. I LOVE hunting around for the perfect gift and then finding it...and wrapping it! But since my husband has been out of a job for a long time and we are having our struggles, I will not be shopping for anyone this year. However, I will still be handing out Christmas cookies and Christmas cards...I can't give up everything!

Picking out Christmas cards has always been such a fun event for me. In past years, shopping for the Christmas cards meant visiting store after store to look at their boxes of cards and reading them all to find the perfect card. I always liked to switch it up--on year a spiritual card, the next year a funny one. Last year, I used Shutterfly to create picture Christmas cards. It was my first time doing something like that. I had been afraid that since we have no kids, it might be a little conceited to send out a card with our picture on it. But the feedback I got was great! It was our first Christmas in Florida, so the picture we used was Tobin and I on the beach building a sandman instead of a snow man. Turns out people really enjoy getting picture cards. That's why I will be using Shutterfly again this year to create another picture Christmas card. If you are thinking about creating your own picture Christmas card, go check out what Shutterfly has to offer!

In fact, Shutterfly has many other options to use your photos to create custom stationary, gifts, and cards for all occasions. One year I created a 12 month photo calendar for my dad's Christmas gift and he loved it! Check out the calendars you can make. You can even make custom ornaments with your own photos on them. Click here to take a look. I've used Shutterfly for several projects in the past and I am always beyond pleased with the outcome.

And, hey! Do you have your own blog? If so, write about Shutterfly and you can get started on your Christmas cards for free! Bloggers get 50 free holiday cards from Shutterfly. Sign up: http://bit.ly/sfly2010: http://bit.ly/sfly2010

A Little Birdie Told Me This...

2010-11-05T18:25:00.003-04:00

This year and a half of adjusting to life in Florida has been rough. Really rough. In fact, it has been harder than I ever could have imagined it to be. It's been getting better--slowly, but surely. God has given me encouragement along the way. Tonight the encouragement came in the form of my blog and a dear new friend. My friend brought to my attention the following blog entry, which I wrote in 2005.

“Sorry for my Neglect” January 31, 2005
I've been so neglectful towards my blog lately...shame on me! Basically, I haven't been writing any entries because there's just not much to write. I have been dealing with a lot of negative feelings lately. Well, not exactly negative, but not exactly good either. I've just kinda been questioning why I'm here in Cincinnati. I feel like I am where God wants me right now, but I've been having a hard time trying to understand why. I still don't know why, but I am learning more about trust. I don't need to know why right now.
I guess I've been having such a hard time with it all because I've been too focused on the way I view things and haven't been spending enough time with looking at things the way God views them....that's a really hard thing to do, considering I'm not God. But recently I've realized that there is one thought I've been having that needed to change, and once I changed that thought, those negative feelings have gone away. See, I've been thinking, "Why would God want me in Cincinnati when it's so easy for me to be here? Isn't doing God's will supposed to take you out of your comfort zone? How can He accomplish anything significant through me when I'm not being challenged daily with an 'official' ministry like YFC?" I've been praying about those feelings and I've realized two things:
1) It is possible for me to be within my comfort zone and still be in God's will. God sometimes takes us through times of pruning when He's preparing us for something else. This could just be a little rest stop before He calls me to something else. I'm still ministering. God is still using me. Just because I'm not with an official ministry, just because my career is not ministry, doesn't mean He's not using me. And if God is allowing me some time to be in a familiar place with familiar people, then I should be PRAISING Him for it, not wondering what's wrong.
2) For me to say God can't do anything significant through me here in Cincinnati says a lot more about my faith in God than my belief in myself. If I ever say God can't do anything significant in any situation, I need to stop and re-commit myself to my faith. God can, of course, do anything he wants. And if He wants to accomplish something significant through me in Cincinnati, He can do it and who am I to say it can't happen?
So, there ya go. Two truths that have taken nearly 8 months for me to learn. Better late than never, right?

Huh. So I have struggled with this whole "Why am I here?" thing before. It's different this time. Instead of feeling like I should be somewhere else because it was too easy to be where I was, now I'm feeling like I should be somewhere else because it's too hard. But you know what's exactly the same? God. My constant, never shifting shadow. His faithfulness now is and will always be the same as it was then. I am where I am, and for now that's where God wants me to be. And that's enough.

The Power of Your Words

2010-11-01T13:49:00.004-04:00

"Actions speak louder than words" is the old addage. This may be true, but your words lead to your actions. This weekend the Lord was really putting it on my heart that what comes out of my mouth deeply effects what comes into my life. If I speak negatively, it will likely bring negative effects and if I speak positively, it will certainly bring positive effects. Because of Christ's sacrifice, I believe that I have access to the full measure of God's peace and blessings. I am a daughter of the Most High and as such I am victorious. I believe that God loves me so much and he wants to pour out his blessings in my life--but that my words can stifle those blessings and I have no one to blame but myself.

Most of us let negative things come out of our mouths on a regular basis and we don't even give it a second thought. I know I do! Whether it's whining that I don't feel well, declaring that I'm ugly/useless/stupid, complaining about a situation that seems unfair, or talking bad about someone--these things come out during the course of the day and, if I'm not mistaken, most people would say that's just a natural thing. But God is showing me that saying these things is far from harmless! If I pray for healing from God and turn around and whine about how sick I feel, that negates any faith I had to be healed in the first place. If I ask God to right a situation in which I feel wronged but all I do is complain about how unfair life is, I am stifiling His blessings for me. Speaking lies about myself because I am frustrated with myself goes completely against what God says about me and prevents me from feeling the fullness of His love. Speaking bad about someone (whether it's someone I know or the person who cut me off on the road) puts bitterness and anger in my heart that don't belong there. Negative speaking will steal blessings right out from under you.

Thanks to God, I am becoming very aware of the negative things I speak out during the day and I am working to eliminate the negativity and replace it with positivity. I serve a good God! I know he has countless blessings in store for me and I don't want to stifle any of those blessings by speaking in opposition to them.

Book Review: Heaven is For Real by Todd Burpo

2010-10-27T19:41:00.002-04:00

Heaven is For Real by Todd Burpo is the account of a four-year-old boy who has a near death experience and after the incident claims to have spent time in Heaven with Jesus. Theological beliefs aside, the book itself, which is written by the father of the boy, is a compelling story. I found myself deeply engrossed with the story of this family, and in particular this precious little boy who displays the childlike faith Christ speaks about in scripture.

As for the actual validity of little Colton Burpo's claim to have spent time in heaven, I personally have my doubts. I wholeheartedly believe that at the moment Colton was nearest death, he probably did have some sort of dream or vision. He was, without question, in Christ's arms during those minutes. However, there is one detail that Colton describes which makes it difficult for me to believe he was actually in heaven--that is, the fact that all of the people, including himself, had wings. I have seen no scriptural evidence that supports that idea that humans will sprout wings and become angels in heaven.

Regardless of your personal theology on the topic of heavenly visions, I do recommend this book. The point of the book is less about the specifics of what heaven is like and more about faith in time of confusion and crisis.

I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own.

Book Review: Same Kind of Different As Me by Denver Moore & Ron Hall

2010-10-13T08:35:00.003-04:00

Same Kind of Different As Me by Denver Moore & Ron Hall is an inspirational true story about the lives of two men who appear to be polar opposites but who find a deep connection with each other. Denver Moore is a black homeless man and Ron Hall is a rich white art dealer, but one woman brings them together and they change each others lives for the better.

I found this book to be entertaining, tear jerking, and challenging. The stories these men have to tell about the trials life throws at them and their reliance on faith in the midst of these trials cannot be described as anything but inspirational. In addition, the book paints homelessness in a whole new light. I dare you to read this book and not find yourself feeling more compassion toward the homeless. I would reccomend this book to anyone.

I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com Thomas Nelson provided me with a complimentary copy of this book for the purpose of this review. No other compensation was received. All views expressed are my own opinions.

To My Teenage Self

2010-09-13T20:31:00.003-04:00

This week, I heard someone ask, "If you could write a letter today to yourself when you were a teenager, what would you say?" After giving it some thought, here is what I came up with:

Dear Jenny (I went by "Jenny" back then),

You are a good person and people genuinely like you. Don't devalue yourself--you are a treasure. God has a unique plan for your life, and you will follow it wholeheartedly. Keep smiling! It is one of your best qualities and people love that you do it all the time. You have terrific friends. Some of them you will lose touch with, and some you will stay connected with for the long haul, but all of them are worth your time right now. For instance, you know that incredibly shy locker partner of yours? She will end up being a lifelong best friend. I promise, you WILL get a boyfriend--several, in fact. Take heart, your first kiss is right around the corner. As for that guy you are so desperately in love with...he turns out to be gay. So stop wasting all your tears on unreturned love. You will marry an amazing godly man who is more than you could ever hope for. Enjoy your singlehood until then. Be nice to your mom. She doesn't deserve your lip or to be the focus of your temper tantrums. And call your dad more often--he may live far away, but he wants to be part of your young life too. As I said, you are a treasure, so just be happy with who you are and stop wishing you were someone else.

Sincerely,
Your Future Self (you go by "Jenna" now)

P.S. Please stop wearing that t-shirt with Tweety Bird on it. That kind of shirt should only be worn by grade school kids and elderly grandmas.

Book Review: The Butterfly Effect by Andy Andrews

2010-09-07T08:50:00.002-04:00

In his book The Butterfly Effect: How Your Life Matters, Andy Andrews attempts to prove that every single action you take, no matter how small, can make a dramatic effect on the world over time. In a short, concise way he tells a story that can be read in a matter of minutes but the implications of which will leave you thinking a lot longer after you’ve finished reading. Now, I am not usually a fan of the gift book genre; but this is one of the better ones I’ve seen on the market. This small gift book would be ideal for anyone who needs a little motivation, particularly those who also enjoy history.

I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255

Book Review: You Can Be Everything God Wants You To Be by Max Lucado

2010-06-24T12:16:00.004-04:00

Max Lucado’s book You Can Be Everything God Wants You To Be is a short and sweet book of encouragement for those who find themselves stuck in the doldrums of life, lacking aim or purpose. The book contains several short 1-2 page “chapters” each focusing on a different principle or lesson. The message of the book is precisely what the title says: You CAN be everything God wants you to be. It provides uplifting scripture that center around the way God views each and every human being as a unique creation.

It is a quick and easy read—I read it cover to cover in less than an hour. This book would be a perfect gift for a college graduate trying to figure out what direction to take their lives. It is also ideal for anyone who is stuck in a day-to-day job that they feel no passion about. Lucado helps the reader realize that God made us with a very specific set of strengths and skills that no one else has. This was highly encouraging to me, as a person who fits in the category of the 70% of Americans who feel that their job is just a source of a paycheck. To be honest, the book did leave me feeling a bit unsatisfied because it stirs up a great longing to be everything God wants you to be but gives little insight as to how you can make that change after being stuck in the work force where you are for so long. I guess that is the part where Max Lucado leaves you and God takes over.

I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255

Whirlwind

2010-06-02T15:26:00.000-04:00

My weekend trip home this weekend was possibly the most insane trip schedule-wise that I have ever taken. Here's how it went...

Saturday
4:00 am – The alarm rings and wakes me from a dead sleep. What the bleep is going on? Oh yeah. Ugh. “Get up.” I mumble as I shove Tobin on the shoulder.

4:15 am – The initial shock of having to get up so early has worn off and is now replaced with excitement. We’re going home! It’s kind of fun to sneak out like thieves in the night.

5:00 am – We haven’t even been on the road an hour yet and we’re already feeling it. We stop at a rest area on the Turnpike and pay $4 for an 8 oz bottle of orange juice. It’s so not fair that they can gouge us but they’re the only place open and we can’t get off on a Turnpike exit so it is what it is.

7:30 am – We roll into the Orlando airport long term parking light right on schedule and, Hallelujah, the shuttle is there at the pick-up shelter so we don’t have to stand around waiting for it.

7:45 am – We walk into the Allegiant terminal and our jaws drop. The line for Allegiant spans the length of the check-in terminal. I guess this is why they say to get there two hours before your flight.

8:50 am – Finally, we have checked in for the flight and have our boarding passes. And yet again we find ourselves waiting in an impossibly long line for security.

9:30 am – We make it to our gate just in time to hear the agent say they are beginning the boarding process for our flight. Whew! Although our tummies are grumbling because we haven’t had breakfast, at least we are on our way.

9:35 am – The gate agent announces that in fact they are not boarding the plane because there is a mechanical problem with the plane. He says it will be about 20 minutes until we board. Oh good, time to run to the bathroom!

9:50 am – This is when our flight was supposed to be leaving. Instead, we get another announcement from the gate agent saying, “Sorry, folks, the delay is going to be longer than expected. It will be at least an hour but I don’t even know that for sure. Could be longer.” Now we have time for breakfast, but the prospect of waiting in the airport for God knows how long when our time at home is already short makes me want to cry.

10:15 am – Having fed ourselves and settled down in a couple of corner seats away from the crowds, we try desperately to get snippets of sleep because we know we’re going to need it. However, the speakers above our heads are blaring CNN and it’s impossible to relax and get any sleep.

10:30 am – The announcement that we are going to begin boarding is met by applause from everyone at the gate! Now we really are on our way!

11:00 am – Now we are in the air en route to Lexington and are pleasantly surprised to find that the seats have those head rests on either side of your head and the cushions are quite comfortable and roomy (for an airplane seat). Plus there’s no one in the third seat in our row—Bonus! Surely we will get some napping in now.

11:10 am – The baby across the aisle from us starts screaming and sleep once again evades us.

12:50 pm – Our plane is touching down in Lexington and the baby is still screaming. In fact, the little guy did not stop screaming the entire two hours. As my eyes meet those of the wary mother, I whisper to Tobin, “We are NEVER having children!”

1:15 pm – After a quick and painless process, we are now sitting in our rental car checking out the map to find the best way to get to Cincinnati. Once we decide upon the best way, we stop and pray because by this time we are both completely drained of energy and wondering how we are going to make it on yet another long car ride. The Sirius radio in the rental helped a bit as we tuned to the 80’s station and got moving.

3:00 pm – At long last, we are zipping down Glenway Avenue. Home! We make a pit stop at Skyline to pick up chilitos and chicken wraps before heading to my mom’s house. Yum!

3:15 pm – Big hugs all around as we greet my mom and brother. We plop on the couch with exhausted but contented sighs. Within a few minutes of us sitting down, my cell phone rings three times with people wondering if I’m in town yet and when can we see them. We are truly home now.

5:00 pm – After visiting with my mom and getting the scoop on my brother Tym’s newest plans for his life, we excuse ourselves and try to go upstairs to nap. However, knowing that we only have 30 minutes to do so hinders either of us from getting any sleep. (That and the fact that it’s stinkin’ hot as heck in my mom’s house. She doesn’t believe in turning on the AC before June 1st even if it does get into the 90’s).

6:00 pm – We arrive at my BFF Dana’s house for the party. Dana is the reason this whole trip was possible. I love her. :) I get a little bit of one-on-one time with my bestie before the party begins and it a wonderful thing. At the same time, Tobin gets to spend time with his pal Tim. Both of us have longed so much to be with these people. It’s so awesome to have friends like them.

7:00 pm – Right on time, a few of my other friends arrive. I get to spend the next couple of hours talking with them about everything we’ve missed about each other’s lives. There is plenty of laughter involved. I have some amazing friends. What makes our friendship so great is that even though I go months at a time without seeing them, the moment I do it’s like no time has passed at all.

Sunday
12:30 am – I have reached my limit. There is no possible way I can stay awake another second. I grab Tobin away from the Wii and we head back to my mom’s house.

1:00 am – Finally settled in and ready for bed. I have been awake for 21 hours by this point and I…Need…Sleep!

8:30 am – I wake up angry that I could have slept another hour before the alarm went off, but I took the opportunity to run out and get some toiletries that we had forgotten in our early morning rush out of the house the day before. I end up glad that I woke myself up early because at Walgreen’s, I run into my cousin Jessica and get to hug her and say a quick “hello” before heading back home.

10:00 am – Tobin and I are walking into church at BCC and being greeted by a sea of people, countless hugs, lots of smiles. During the service, I could not stop crying. I was completely overwhelmed by the love I felt in that room. My BCC church family is just wonderful. The moment we walked through the doors, it was like this physical sense of loved draped itself over us. I don’t know of any other place on earth where the people are as caring and loving as these people. I was crying happy tears because of how awesome it is to be loved like that and sad tears because this was just one Sunday I’m visiting here and I don’t get to come here every Sunday. It doesn’t seem fair that my ideal church is a thousand miles away.

12:15 pm – Having stood around the church talking to people until the lights got turned off on us, we were now heading to Mema and Papa’s house (Tobin’s grandparents) for a short visit. We catch up on all the family news and hear them say how badly they want us to move back home. We do too.

12:45 pm – Donatos! We cannot find a good pizza down in FL so being seated around a table full of the tastiest pizza on earth is exhilarating. That and the fact that my grandma, mom, Tym, Mema, and Papa have joined us for lunch. :) It is bittersweet as we realize that time is running out and we have to say goodbye already.

3:00 pm – We are giving our goodbye hugs but thankfully not feeling as sad as we could be since we know we’ll be returning in a month for a longer visit.

3:15 pm – We stop by Dana’s one last time for a goodbye hug…that, and Tim has made us all malts and we cannot pass that up!

3:30 pm – On the road again, we head out to Lexington.

5:30 pm – We return our rental car, check in for the flight, head through security, and wait. This time is much different then the check in process the day before. Ours is the only flight leaving out of that terminal and as it is a Sunday evening, most of the places are closed and dead. We have a nice leisurely dinner and talk about the pleasant events of the weekend and we fantasize about moving back home.

7:30 pm – The gate announcer is telling us that our flight has been delayed because the plane isn’t here yet. Oh joy. More waiting.

8:30 pm – An hour late, our plane finally leaves and we are headed home. The accommodations are not as comfortable on this flight as on the previous day’s flight, but the absence of a screaming baby makes it seem MUCH better.

11:00 pm – At long last, we have been deposited to the long term parking lot in Orlando and we get in our car to start the 3 hour trip home. I am so tired that I can’t see clearly so I have no choice but to let Tobin drive. Normally, this would make me sick with anxiety but the hypnotic affect of the road put me to sleep pretty much right away.

Monday
2:00 am – We pull in to our parking lot, walk through the door like zombies, throw our things on the ground, and are in bed in a matter of minutes. How crazy to think that this whole trip took place in less than 48 hours. I would not recommend doing this sort of thing on a regular basis, but this time it was worth it. 2 hours at church. 4 hours with family. 5 hours with friends. 10 hours at the airport/on planes. 10 hours of driving. Completely worth it.

Book Review: Wonders Never Cease by Tim Downs

2010-05-21T18:39:00.003-04:00

Wonders Never Cease is a novel about Kemp McAvoy and his plan to deceive Hollywood actress Olivia Hayden into believing she has had an encounter with an angel. As a nurse in the hospital where Olivia is in a medically induced coma, Kemp has access to everything he needs to make himself appear to her as a heavenly being with a message. A message that Kemp intends to get rich from after Olivia publishes a best selling book about her encounter with the angel. But as with all "get rich quick" schemes, Kemp encounters several problems along the way.

In this novel, Tim Downs creates a memorable cast of characters: some that you love, and some that you love to hate. Wonders Never Cease made me feel an array of emotions from disgust to satisfaction. There were frustrating moments, romantic moments, appalling moments, and touching moments. I believe that the meaning of this book was intended to be inspirational, but the inspirational message in the end seemed to be rushed and the point was lost in the process. Wonders Never Cease may not be the kind of book that strengthens your faith, but Tim Downs did a great job of telling a very entertaining story.

I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their Booksneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own.

Book Review: Will the World End in 2012? by Raymond Hundley

2010-04-14T15:00:00.001-04:00

In Will the World End in 2012: A Christian’s Guide to the Questions Everyone’s Asking, Raymond Hundley explores the ten most popular theories about why many people claim the world will come to an end in the year 2012. With media hype and the internet frenzy over the topic piquing the average person’s curiosity about the subject, this book is very relevant to today. Hundley devotes one full chapter to each of the top ten theories about world annihilation, which include: the Mayan calendar, Solar flares, the eruption of a Super Volcano, Nostradamus, and religious predictions, among others. Each chapter begins with a fictitious antidote about each theory and ends with the author’s own conclusions about the theory. In between the antidote and the conclusion, the reader will find easy-to-understand facts and explanations about the apocalyptical theory. He ends the book with a gospel presentation that urges the reader to put his faith in God in preparation for the end of the world—whether it comes in 2012 or not.

I very much enjoyed reading this book. Like many people, I had heard the hype over 2012 but did not fully understand where this theory originated. Hundley has a way of presenting the big doomsday theories in a way that helps the casual reader understand the hype. Overall, I found myself agreeing with Hundley’s conclusion. Scientific evidence shows that there will likely be some catastrophic events in the near future, but does this signify the end of the world? The world may come to an end in my lifetime and it may not. The most important thing is being spiritually ready for the end to come.

One more additional note: For you movie buffs who have not seen the movie 2012, this book should come with a SPOILER ALERT on the cover because Hundley does describe the plot (beginning, middle, and end) of that movie in great detail in his introduction.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com,a book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255

Forgetful Hearer or Effectual Doer?

2010-02-13T09:26:00.003-05:00

"Consider it all joy, my brothers, whenever you encounter various trials, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perserverence. Perserverence must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking in anything...The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position...Blessed is the man who perserveres under trial, beacause when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him...Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows...Do not merely listen to the word...Do what it says. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks at his natural face in a mirror; for once he has looked at himself and gone away, he has immediately forgotten what kind of person he was. But one who looks intently at the perfect law of liberty and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man will be blessed in what he does." ~Excerpts from James 1

We moved to Florida expecting great things. Instead, it seems we have had nothing but trials. (To recap: I dislike my job very much and it takes a lot of strength to go there every day, the homesickness is terrible, Tobin could not find a job for the longest time, etc.) And now this newest trial: Tobin has lost his job after only three weeks and we now live in an apartment we simply cannot afford.

My first reaction, for a brief millisecond, was peace. Then the reality came crashing down around me and panic set in. What are we giong to do? Oh God, what are we going to do??? Then I read the above passage of scripture and I was comforted because I am not the Forgetful Hearer...no. I remember who I am. I am a daughter and a servant of our Lord. The God of this universe is real and present in my life and He is working all things out for me and Tobin.

I am choosing in the face of this trial to stand firm in my faith and put my trust in him. This is way too much for me to handle on my own, so I'm just going to let him take care of it. "Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall, but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on the wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." ~Isaiah 40:28-31

This blow comes as a deep shock to us, but God is not surprised--he knew all along this would happen. Time will tell what purpose God has in this trial. I can already speculate many reasons. For example, when we came back from Christmas break, we had firmly made up our minds to move back to Cincinnati because Tobin had not been able to find a job in FL. All of our things were already packed up and ready to go and we felt so aimless and without direction that we didn't know what else to do. Instead, that first week back, Tobin got this job offer. So we took that as a sign that we would be staying here a while after all. So we got an apartment, signed a 12 month lease, unpacked all of our things, and here we are. So maybe that job Tobin had wasn't God's ultimate will for him, but God used it to keep us here because He knew that nothing besides a paycheck and a place of our own would have held us here in the state we were in. Likewise, just last week we enrolled in a ministry training school and paid a lot of money for our first semester of classes. We most definately would not have done that if we knew Tobin was about to loose his job. But it was overwhelmingly clear to us last week that God wanted us to take that course.

Those are just two theories...I may never know why. But one thing is for certain: God is at work here. I hope he works quickly by my standards. :) But in the end, He is God and He can do whatever he wants in my life. What he wants is always better than what I want anyway. So for now, I am at peace. For now, I am resting in him. For now, I take joy in my situation.

It is not easy. Every hour or so, I have an intense wave of anxiety creep over me and I am nearly driven to tears. But every time, I repeat the words from Psalm 121 that quiet my soul and help me to rest in the peace that I have as an heir of Christ:

"I lift my eyes up to the hills--where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth."

2009 In Review

2010-01-29T09:43:00.001-05:00

Why does it always seem like my "In Review" blog entries keep getting later and later? So the end of January may be a little late to do this, but it's a tradition that I've promised myself to upkeep, so here goes...

2009 was a year of Changes. Big. Huge. Changes. To recap...

-Tobin quit his job in May on faith that it was what the Lord wanted him to do, even though we had no idea what was going to happen next.

-We took our first ever mission trip as a couple to London, England where we shared Christ's love with Muslims. Our hearts were forever changed and our eyes opened wide after this trip.

-I quite my job at CCU: a job I completely loved and a place filled with people I absolutely adored. I did this in faith because God was calling us elsewhere. By far one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

-We left our family, friends, church, and home to move hundreds of miles away to Florida where we hoped/continue to hope to be in some form of ministry.

-I started a new job. Let's just leave it at that.

So through all these changes, what have I learned? I've learned that saying goodbye is a horrible thing...but one can survive it. I've learned that if the only peer you have to spend free time with is your husband and he is just as uprooted and stressed out as you, this can shake a marriage...but getting through it makes the marriage stronger. I've learned that Muslims live in darkness...but Jesus brings light for them as well. I've learned that Lebanese food gives me food poisoning...but trying new things gives me a story to tell. I've learned that trusting in the Lord can be incredibly difficult...but when it is, it is overwhelmingly rewarding in the end.

On the Brink

2009-12-04T14:17:00.000-05:00

*Deep Breath In*

Why am I here? In Florida, I mean, why the heck am I here? We’ve been here four months and I still haven’t the slightest idea WHY we’re here. Tobin doesn’t have a job. Every prospect that comes along ends up dashing our hopes somehow. And here we are with the end of the year quickly approaching and we have NO CLUE what we’re doing here. We have overstayed our welcome at my dad’s house. He told us we could stay until the end of the year and while I’m sure we could push his hospitality a little longer, we don’t want to do that. We have to get out, but where would we go? We can’t afford rent or a mortgage on my salary alone. And so, it appears we have failed.

We are considering moving back to Cincinnati. Living is cheaper there and we have more family and friends there who would take us in. It would be easier to find jobs with all of our connections. It’s a very appealing option. We had lives there. We ministered, we were active, we DID THINGS. Not so in Florida. Four months and we still have no connections at a church, no ministry, nothing but each other. (And thank God, at least, that we do have each other). I am starting to think we jumped the gun on God’s timing. Yes, he has been calling us to Florida—but was this the opportunity He had in mind? It feels like maybe we rushed things. We saw an opportunity that in our human minds looked like a good one and we took it. And here we are in misery for four months. So maybe we were wrong and we should move back to Ohio and wait for the true calling.

But if we were wrong, this opens up a whole new can of worms. If we didn’t hear God directing us to Florida, then who’s to say we ever heard him direct us in anything? If we could be wrong about such a major life changing decision, then how can we trust what we hear for the small, day-to-day stuff? Even as I write this, I know that we might make mistakes in our decisions, but that God is still behind us directing our paths. So I guess that fear is a moot point.

It still leaves us with a very difficult decision to make. How long do we stay here waiting for something to happen? If Tobin cannot find a job, we cannot live here. Period. How long do we take advantage of my dad while waiting for the Lord to work something out? Do we chalk this one up to a mistake and move back home? (If that’s the case, then this is turning out to be one expensive mistake as it’s cost us thousands of dollars just to get here). And where is this ministry that we were promised? For the past two years, we were not watching and praying for an opportunity for me to work in Student Accounts and Tobin to work in IT. No, we had—and continue to have—a dream of ministering side-by-side. The nitty gritty full time ministry kind of work, not the minister in a regular job kind of work. (Although, I realize that is a great ministry in and of itself. It’s just not our dream and not the calling we’ve had).

I close this little journal entry with no more clarity than I had when I began. I have no idea what we are supposed to do. I feel suspended on the brink of a precipice and I don’t know which direction I’m going to fall. If you have it in you, would you please pray for us? My mom, bless her wonderful heart, has organized a prayer vigil for us this Sunday from 4:00-5:00. My family is amazing! (One reason why moving back to Cincy is so appealing!!) So if you want to join them—join us—in praying for direction and peace for myself and Tobin, then please do. Set your cell phone alarms for 4:00 on Sunday and lift us up in prayer. I would not be asking if I did not feel a complete and utter desperation.

No matter what, we trust in the Lord.

*Exhale*

Ramblings from my Brain

2009-09-22T09:27:00.001-04:00

This has been one heck of a month. I started a new job. I moved a thousand miles away from home. I heard exciting news that I was going to have a niece or a nephew and then sad news that the baby was lost. I booked a non-refundable plane ticket back to Cincy for a wedding that has now been called off. I finally found out the truth about my close friend. I spent hours worrying and praying for my youngest brother who was off to join the air force, only to find out he wasn’t doing that after all. I have been to four different churches, each of which possesses its own strengths but none of which I feel sure about. Has it really only been a month?

I’m finding this chapter of my life to be difficult. I realize it’s only been a month. This is the answer I get from people who listen to my ramblings, including myself most times: “It’s only been a month, just hang in there. It will get better”. I know that. But right now I’m just focusing on the right now. At least for the duration of this blog entry, because when I’m done, I hope to put all these feelings behind me and look ahead.

It was two years ago that God let Tobin and me in on His plan: “You will be my witnesses in Florida.” We were so open to going anywhere; I thought for sure he would be sending us to some third world country to live in a hut with dirt floors amongst some remote tribe, just tellin’ them all about Jesus. But he said Florida!! Oh, we were so excited! And for two years, we waited anxiously to see how he was going to do it. What would we be doing in Florida? Would we plant a church? Would we go on staff with Campus Crusade? Would we join ranks with one of the many Haitian ministries down here? The daydreams were endless. Every time we heard about something that God’s people were doing in Florida, we prayed earnestly, “Is this it? Should we go now?” But instead, God brought us here like this? Not that it’s terrible or anything…actually, it’s quite wonderful and a huge blessing to not have to struggle to raise funds to be full time ministers. But seriously? God brought me to Florida to do the exact same thing I was doing in Cincy? I mean, I enjoy what I do, but to be honest, I’d much rather be doing it back home than here.

And then there’s the problem with Tobin’s job…the main problem being that he doesn’t have one. What’s up with that? I know God will provide. You don’t need to tell me that. I’m not worried about it, I’m just at this place where I’m kinda like, “Okay, God, our POD rental ends on Sept. 29th and Dad won’t stop asking about if we have started looking for a place to live yet…where is this job of Tobin’s so we can have a place to live?” Impatient, I guess you could say.
What I’m trying to say is, this is not what I expected. I expected to come here and dive into ministry. I expected the time of pruning and preparing to be over and we would come here and get our hands dirty serving our Lord. Instead, we have been living in this odd sort of limbo where our days are consumed with learning a new job, searching for a job (for Tobin), then being exhausted and sleeping and starting it all over again the next day. It makes me question if we really heard God’s voice when we decided to move down here. Should we not have taken this opportunity and instead waited for Him to bring something else along?

I hope I’m not coming off as a complainer. I’m not trying to complain. I realize that we have it good here, and I am not at all taking that for granted. I guess I just don’t understand the point right now. But that’s the thing about faith. Faith is trusting in it anyway, even though it doesn’t feel great right now. And faith is what pays off in the end. I fully expect that when I write my “2009 in Review” blog entry, I will have awesome things to report about what God has done through our move to Florida. Watch for it. :)

I will close by recounting the dream I had around the end of last year. Now, I don’t go around claiming that I have dreams and visions from God all the time or anything…in fact, I can never remember this happening. But this one time, I do think it was from Him. Even the beginning part of the dream, which at the time I wrote off as a silly transition from one dream to the other, but now I can see how it would be important…

I am on the beach. There is a computer set up there and I am helping a student fill out the FAFSA and discussing ways that they can pay for their education. When I turn from the computer, I see a line of people behind me. Tobin is there next to me. This line of people stretches far down the beach, farther than I can even see. And the people come to us one by one to be baptized in the ocean. There are hundreds of them. And this is what we are here for.

"Buying a House"

2009-06-15T09:43:00.000-04:00

Decisions, Decisions. I hate making major life decisions, you know that? Thankfully, I don’t have to make big decisions very often, but every now and then a doozie comes up and I agonize over which path to take. It’s never the decisions between right and wrong that are difficult. It’s those decisions between better and best that throw me.

Right now, I’m trying to decide if I should “buy a house” or not. I’ve had it in my head for a couple of months now that Tobin and I are “buying a house” at the end of July. We’ve made plans to do so…priced movers, set aside savings, gotten ourselves mentally prepared for the change. In our minds, we are ready. We’ve even told many of our friends and family that this is what we were going to do…and we were oh so excited. After years of waiting and yearning for this very thing, the desires of our hearts were about to come true. It looked like God was putting everything into place and I had found my “dream home”. Until this weekend when I went to see the “house”. It seemed a trip destined for failure from the very beginning, but after lots of delays and hang ups in several places, I finally made it to look at the “house”. And I was sorely disappointed. I expected this excitement I have been experiencing over the past month or so to go through the roof when I saw the place, but instead, the moment I set foot on the property, I felt an overwhelming sense of disappointment. I met the “real estate agent” with whom I had been speaking on the phone and I was disappointed in her as well. There was no connection there. It was nothing like when we had spoken on the phone and I thought she and I would get along great. To make matters worse, the “real estate agent” had misunderstood some of the details of the “house”. So it turned out that the “house” we might be buying isn’t the dream home I thought it would be.

And I’m so confused!!! See, the “house” is in a really great location and Tobin and I both want to live there desperately. In fact, we have kept our eyes peeled waiting for a “house” to come up in this location so that we could live there. It’s our dream. And now there is this “house” in the exact location we want to live in, but it’s not a “house” I’m sure I’d be happy living in. So does my dream to live in that location overcome the terrible house that I will hate? Or should we continue to wait for a “house” we will both be happy with and postpone our dream of living in our desired location? This is the decision I have to make. On the one hand, I’m worried that moving into a “house” I’m very unhappy with would make us miserable and therefore being in the location we desire would mean nothing because we’d be unhappy there. On the other hand, what if this is the last chance we have to buy a “house” in our desired location? How am I supposed to choose???

I guess when it comes down to it, I really don’t want to buy that house. But I want to live in that part of town so badly and I’ve had it in my head that I would be living there by the end of this summer and I’ve told people that’s what I’m going to do. I feel like backing out of that now would make me look bad. Like people would say, “Oh yeah, that Jenny…she always talks about “buying a house” in that neighborhood but she never does. That’s Jenny.”

I feel sick thinking about these options. I have prayed about it, but God seems to be very quiet on the issue. I’m just trusting in him. I’m supposed to hear from the “real estate agent” today with more details. I’m praying that if we shouldn’t “buy that house”, it will just go off the market so I don’t even have the option of buying it. I guess now I just wait for that phone call and see what happens.

2008 in Review

2009-01-27T13:37:00.000-05:00

Usually I post my "Year in Review" entry faithfully every year on December 31st, but this year...I don't know. No excuses. Better late than never!!

2008 was both extremely difficult and incredibly eye opening at the same time.
The year started with the passing of my grandpa during the first week of 2008. It came as a surprise and I have not been the same ever since. I was close with my grandpa, and his absence leaves a deep hole in my life. I miss him. There is, of course, a bright side because my grandpa loved the Lord and I know I will see him again someday and spend eternity with him in Heaven. It still hurts for now, though. Every time I hear a corney joke, a sadness washes over me because I think about how he would love to have heard it and retell it...often. Here's one for you, Grandpa: What did the grape say when he got ran over? Nothing, he just wined a little. :) Hardy Har Har.

2008 was a year of exrodinary spiritual growth for me. I can't even put down what I've learned into enough words to truly express the truth that is real in my heart. I have learned that God's GRACE is sufficient for me. This is something I have known for years, but I had this "ah-ha" moment in 2008 that made everything click with amazing clarity. Since I became a follower of Christ at age 14, I had been seeing God's grace always with a tint of works mixed in. It's hard to explain, but I believe that this happens all the time among Christians. I now realize that God's grace is mine and completely unrelated to any of my works. Again, I know that just saying that is nothing new and it's what I've been told all along...but there's just this new freedom that I have now really KNOWING that truth deep in my spirit. I wish I could express this better, but I can't so I'll just leave it at that.

2008 was a year of reconnecting. As much as I am close with my mom's side of the family, I am distant from my dad's side of the family. In May of 08, I was able to make a trip to my dad's old stomping grounds in PA and spend a weekend with cousins and aunts whom I hadn't seen since I was in diapers. I hope to foster these relationships and get connected with that part of my family.

2008 was the year my friends started getting pregnant. I mean, my very close circle of friends. Obviously, I have other friends who have had babies, but this year my inner circle has been breached with a baby. I am excited for it and curious as to how it will change things, if at all. It certainly forced me to think about my own situation. A part of me wants to hop on the bandwagon and start popping out kids, but a bigger part of me doesn't really want children. It will be interesting to see what happens with that...I may not get a choice!

My favorite memory in 2008 is Thanksgiving. Tobin and I went to Florida for Thanksgiving to be with my dad. Both of my brothers were able to make it down there for the holiday as well. All of us together--my dad and all his children--for Thanksgiving. This hasn't happened in 15 years. Just thinking about all of us together now brings tears to my eyes. From eating the traditional dinner with my 4 favorite men (Tobin, Dad, Dave, and Tym) to making a trip to the beach Thanksgiving morning to teaching my dad how to play the Wii to watching my tipsy stepmother tip over backwards in an inflatable chair to playing Trivial Pursuit: Felton Edition...there is no denying that this will be one of my favorite holiday memories for years to come.

2008 was a year of more specific calling. God has revealed a little bit more of his plans for our future. Now is not the time for me to reveal what he's been saying but trust me, it's exciting.

That's pretty much all I have to say about 2008. Now let's see where 2009 takes me!

I'm Seriously Considering Staying Here Forever

2008-12-03T09:18:00.003-05:00

So I was planning to write a hillariously entertaining note about all the troubles we encountered on our trip down to Florida, but now that a week has passed since that first day, it doesn't seem that bad. Sure, someone prank called our house at 1:00 am on Tuesday, waking me up and preventing me from sleeping all but four hours the night before a long drive. Sure, our car broke down somewhere in Georgia. Sure, we got ripped off and had to pay a man $40 to jump our car because we had no other option. Sure, we had a terrifying trip to the nearest car parts store where we were screaming at every traffic light to turn green before we stalled out again. Sure, we spent nearly $100 more than we budgeted for because of the car mishap. Sure, being stuck in Ringgold, GA for hours put us behind schedule and therefore smack dab in Atlanta rush hour. Sure, it took us 3 1/2 hours to get out of that traffic. Sure, our hotel was way further away from the Insterstate than we thought when we'd booked it. Sure, it took us 15 hours to get just barely half way to Florida. Sure, the walls of the hotel were paper thin and we could hear the guy in the next room puking all night. But is all of that really that bad? I think not.

Since that first day full of misery, it's been nothing but good. It's as if once we crossed the border into Florida, a warm, sunny blanket of protection has surrounded us. Thanksgiving with my dad and brothers was more happiness than I could ask for. My brothers really are great people, you know? And between all the sunny days at the beach and the carefree time of shopping and generally doing whatever we want whenever we want it. (Not to mention the warm weather)...how can I complain?

I love it here.

Crockery Woes

2008-11-07T15:29:00.000-05:00

If you talked to me at all yesterday, you knew that I was pretty excited about using my crock pot. I envisioned walking into my home after a long day of working late hours to be greeted by the savory aroma of sweet and sour chicken that had been simmering all day in my slow cooker. My husband would be waiting for me with a warm hug. We would sit down and dine together, casually discussing our days. Then we would cuddle up on the couch together for some cutsie couple time before the girls came over for Thursday night TV. My stress from the work day would melt away and all would be right with the world. Instead, here is what I got…

6:30 pm: I finally leave work for the day. It is pitch dark outside and I have to walk to my car which has been parked very far away because of an event that took place on campus that day. There’s something eerie about walking through Price Hill at night by yourself, I don’t care if I’m on campus or not.

6:35 pm: I reach my car and have a pleasant short conversation with my hubby. I tell him on my way home and he says he will cook the rice for our dinner. He also says that the food in the crock pot smells amazing.

6:37 pm: Phone rings. It’s Tobin asking me what pot to use to cook the rice. I tell him and hang up.

6:38 pm: Phone rings. It’s Tobin asking how much water to boil. I tell him to use the chart on the back of the rice box and hang up.

6:40 pm: Phone rings. It’s my mom seeing how my day was. I love my mom.

6:42 pm: Phone rings. It’s Tobin asking me where the rice is. I stay on the phone with him this time and make sure he has the pot (with lid), the rice, and understands the directions completely before I hang up.

6:50 pm: I arrive home. Something in the hallway smells. I can’t tell if it smells good or not, but I know it’s coming from my apartment. I get the mail. I drop the mail and it falls through the stairs down to the basement floor under the stairs. I crawl under the stairs through the spider webs to get the mail. It turns out to be all junk mail.

6:51 pm: I enter the apartment and decide that I don’t like the smell, but I’m not going to let that stop me from being happy and greeting my husband, who has by this time boiled the rice to perfection but there are pots and rice all over the counter and floor.

7:00 pm: I open the lid to the crock pot and discover, to my horror, a burnt and disgusting mess. I forgot to tell Tobin to turn the crock pot to “Warm” at 5:30 when he got home, so it is nearly 2 hours overcooked. I plate the food anyway and hope we can still eat it. We sit down to dinner, pray, and dig in. Gross. We both stop eating and throw our food away.

7:10 pm: I begin my rant about “What am I supposed to do now??? I didn’t plan for this!!!!”. I bang cupboards. I slam the refrigerator. I say a few choice words. I declare that we’re fasting tonight. I call my mom for advice.

7:15 pm: My temper tantrum is over and now I can think about the situation logically. I am going to go through a drive-thru and get a less-than-desirable value menu meal for us because it’s quick and easy. I ask Tobin what he wants. He says Arby’s and even though the thought of this repulses me, I agree because I do not want to have a discussion about where else we can go.

7:20 pm: I’m in the Arby’s drive-thru ordering our chicken sandwiches when a spider drops into my car through the open window. I scream (right into the order box), say a bad word that I shouldn’t have said, and quickly drive forward. As if driving forward is going to get rid of the spider, who is now crawling on my windshield right in front of me. I take a piece of paper and try to get the spider to crawl on that so that I can throw the piece of paper and the spider out the window. Yes, I was going to litter. The spider is wise to my scheming, though, and crawls away from my paper at every twist and turn, eventually dropping down into my lap.

7:21 pm: I am screaming and jumping out of my car in the middle of the drive thru line, swatting at my legs and praying that the spider came out of the car. I get back in the car knowing that it’s still in there, but I am praying that by the power of Christ in me, I repel it so that it does me no harm.

7:25 pm: I am collecting my chicken sandwiches and apologizing to the poor Arby’s girl for screaming in her ear through the order box.

7:32 pm: I am back at my apartment, stepping out of the car when suddenly I feel a distinct creepy crawly on my arm. I swat at it and in the process swat the bag of chicken sandwiches out of my hand. The sandwiches roll under the car. I slam the car door shut and run into the apartment, clutching only a half of the ripped Arby’s bag.

7:35 pm: I am sitting on the couch trying to calm down while Tobin is out in the parking lot getting our chicken sandwiches out from under the car and checking my car to see if he can see any spiders.

7:45 pm: I am finally chowing down on an Arby’s chicken sandwich and ready for a night of Thursday TV.

So what did I learn from this experience? 1) Don’t let the crock pot run longer than it’s supposed to. 2) Remember that a spider is just a little bitty thing and I should not be terrified of them. 3) Know that Tobin is an amazing husband and he will clean up the rice mess, the gross crock pot food mess, get the sandwiches from under the car, and rid the near vicinity of any spiders because he loves me and he’s good like that.

The Season of Fall

2008-10-13T20:36:00.001-04:00

I was challenged by some friends to write something about the season of Fall. Thanks guys. So...ummm...how 'bout them leaves, eh?

Actually, the season of fall is my favorite time of the year. See, when I was growing up in Florida we didn't have Fall like y'all have it up here. Fall in Florida meant...well...more sun and rain. Pretty much the same as it is all year round. I can remember my first Fall up here in Ohio. The leaves crunching beneath my feet, the glorious colors of the changing leaves, the crisp coolness in the air. I loved it from the first minute onward. Now Fall is a time I look forward to every year.
Fall is a time of change. Trees loose their leaves. Animals store up their holes. Birds fly South. The world embraces for the cold winter ahead. In a way, I think this parallells where I am in life right now. God has been teaching me a lot over the past seven months. It feels like I am shedding my old way of thinking like the trees loose their leaves. I am storing up these new realizations that God has been showing me in my heart so that when I meet a time of cold famine, I will be prepared. And quite literally I will be flying South in the relatively near future, Lord willing.

I am excited about the changes God has in store for me just as I get excited to experience the change of weather that comes with Fall. In the meantime, until those changes are revealed, I am just going to enjoy my season of Fall.

(How'd I do, guys? What's my next challenge?????)

Time is NOT on my side!

2008-08-08T15:01:00.003-04:00

Someone found me on Facebook a few weeks ago and she's been sending me all these messages asking me how I've been doing, etc. And honestly...I had no clue who this girl was! I looked at her pictures, her friends, everything and could not for anything figure out how I knew her. But she definately knew me, so I was at a loss. And then it hits me. This girl, this grown up young woman, was in my first Girl Talk group!!! When she was in middle school, I was her group leader and we built a friendship and I mentored her. And now, here she is, finishing up high school and messaging me on Facebook with her grown up looking pictures. I can't believe it. Time is flying by so fast. I took the opportunity to look up a couple other girls I remembered from that first Girl Talk group and sure enough, there they are all grown up and beautiful. I can remember the days when they were awkward adolescents, not even teenagers yet with glasses and frizzy hair, just beginning to notice boys, totally uncomfortable in their own skin. I'm just kind of in a state of shock right now seeing that they have grown up! And I am kind of touched that one of them remembered me enough to look me up on Facebook. :)

Cranky

2008-08-01T08:53:00.003-04:00

So maybe I'm just being too cranky about things this week, but for some reason there's a lot of things getting on my nerves. Here is one particular incidient that really cheesed me off. The hard facts of the incident are in regular print. My thought responses as the incident was happening are written in italics...

I was talking to a parent on the phone and the parent was very upset. This happens at least once a day. I can handle upset parents. It's when they insult me personally that I start to get a little ticked. This particular parent immediately wanted to speak with someone else after a few seconds of talking with me because, as she put it, "You sound too young. You're probably some student. I want to talk to someone who knows what they're talking about."

Listen up, lady. I'm sorry if my pleasant telephone voice makes me sound too young for you. Truth is, I've worked in this department for years and I know what I'm talking about. I could transfer you to a co-worker who is a lot older, but she'd be putting you on hold every few seconds to ask ME your questions. So stop judging me because of how my voice sounds and ask me your questions.

After convincing her that I am indeed a full-fledged employee of the school and not a student, she proceeds to her "question" which is actually a 10 minute lecture about student loans. How dare we list such high loan amounts on her son's award letter. Don't we think practically about such things? It's no good for him to graduate and leave school in debt. We shouldn't have told him he could borrow all that money. She doesn't want her son starting out his adult life in debt. We should never have told him about those loans.

The point. Of an award letter. Is to let the student know what their financial aid options are!!!!! One of those options is student loans. If your son doesn't want loans, he doesn't have to take the loans. It is our JOB to let him know that he has that option available to him if he needs it.

After ranting and raving about it for so long and never paying attention to a word I say about other options we also notified him of, she tells me she has to go talk to her son but she is very dissappointed in the way we handle things at this school. It is very stressful for her as a parent to have to explain to her son why he probably can't afford to attend school here because he doesn't have enough money and loans are stupid and she can't think of another way to make it happen for him. To which I say (in my head of course)...

YOUR SON IS A 28 YEAR OLD GRADUATE STUDENT. LET HIM TAKE CARE OF HIS OWN DAMN FINANCES!!!

Expelled

2008-04-22T18:18:00.002-04:00

Tobin and I just saw Ben Stein's move "Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed" over the weekend. It really got me thinking. I would encourage you to go see it, when you're in the mood for a documentary. I believe it is a very important film and the voices of these scientists should be heard. Here is an excerpt of an email I sent to my stepmom about it:

Expelled was a great film. It's so aggravating that the scientific community is so narrow minded about this subject. It boggles my mind that smart people who are athiests actually put so much blind faith in Darwin's origin of species theory. Athiests are supposed to be against faith, right? But I think, looking at the evidence and the sheer probability factor, that it takes MORE faith to be a Darwinist than it does to believe in God. I can't understand how so many people just take Darwin's theory of evolution as fact when it has never and can never be proven. It's called a THEORY for a reason! And in a society where tolerance and ideas are supposed to be supported, I can't get my head around the scientific elite, who base their lives around hypothesis, not letting each plausible theory be taught and researched. I guess "plausible" is the key word there...they don't think intelligent design is plausible. But based on the odds alone, I think the theory of intelligent design is entirely plausible, and even more so than evolution. It also makes me wonder: what are they so afraid of? If they really think intelligent design can in no way ever be proved true or stand up to the scientific method of testing, then why not just let it be tested and prove those intelligent design people wrong? Why just snuff it out before the theories and hypothesis can be published?

Anyway...I'm glad Ben Stein did the movie. I hope lots of peole see it and begin to question what they are taught in their textbooks from junior high onward. I hope there is enough of an outcry so that intelligent design is taught right alongside evolution. But if none of that happens, I will still have an unshakable faith in my Maker, because to me God is not just some being who inteligently designed life, He is my Friend and he is real in my life. I don't need scientific theorums to tell me that.

Daydreaming

2008-04-11T18:18:00.000-04:00

I am sitting here at work, bored out of my mind. I don't have much to do and what I do have to do is so tedious that I can't keep my mind focused on it. Not to mention, it's a task that usually gets done towards the end of the month, but this is the beginning of the month, so if I do it now then I'm really pretty screwed for the rest of the month. Probably not, because something will come along, but I feel that way right now. I am so bored. So when I'm bored, I daydream. So this is what I'm daydreaming about:...Florida and traveling.

Let's start with the traveling. I found out that one of my Bebington team members is going to school in Philadelphia. Also, Marisa is moving to Philadelphia. Also, my cousin Bill whom I am just beginning to get in contact with lives in Philadelphia. SO I would really like to go to Philadelphia sometime soon!! As soon as Marisa gets settled in, I plan on making a trip over there to see her and Bob in their new home as newlyweds. And I can also hook up with Paul and Bill while I'm there and catch up with/get to know them, respectively.

I also want to travel to England. All this reminiscing over Facebook with Paul and Ruth from the Bebington team has made me really want to take a return trip to the English country. I would love to go back there as a tourist this time and take some time to see things and do things differently than when I was there the first time around.

Now let's move on to the more exciting daydream topic: Florida. What will it be like when we move to Florida? Where will we live? What will we be doing? Here is what my mind thinks of when I dream of Florida. Keep in mind, this is totally MY desires and vision for our life in Florida. This is not coming from the Lord himself. It is solely daydreaming and I fully relinquish my own desires when God decides to reveal his plans for us. So having said that, Florida…

We would live in a big condo with two floors, three bedrooms, and at least two bathrooms. It would have a pool, and tennis courts, a playground, and a walking trail. It would be pristine inside and out. We would have a patio overlooking some water (preferably the ocean, but I'm flexible…any type of pond or lake will do). We would have a little bit of a back yard. It would be beautifully decorated on the inside and all of our Ohio friends would love to come visit us because the place would be so nice.

We would also have a child. A little girl named ***** ***** (yeah right, I'm not revealing her name!), and I would be pregnant with a son. Not, like, eternally pregnant. It's just that this particular daydream takes place while I'm pregnant with our son. Our daughter is so adorable with her dark brown hair (like her mom's) up in pigtails and her blue gray eyes (like her dad's) sparkling with youth. My mom lives in the same community, in a smaller condo across the lake and comes over every day to play with her grandbaby and have dinner with us.

I don't know exactly what our jobs are in this daydream, but I know they are vaguely something that has to do with helping people. I think we planted a church and Tobin is a pastor, but not the preaching pastor. I do not have any one specific function within the church, but I am the pastor's wife, so I do a little bit of everything. Somehow, even though we are ministry people, we have plenty of cash flow and can still afford our perfect condo near the beach. We can also afford to do all the traveling I spoke about above.

Alas, it is just a daydream. Now I must snap back to reality, and reality is…I still have an hour of nothing to do at work.

Old Fart

2008-03-14T18:53:00.001-04:00

Tell me...when exactly did I cross the threshold? I’ve been noticing the signs lately, but I still can’t pinpoint when exactly it happened. What happend, you may be asking? I got old, that’s what. Here are just a few of the observations that have led me to the conclusion that I am progressing toward the Old Fart end of the spectrum:

1. I was telling my little cousin Josie about how I liked that song "I can’t wait" by Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana in order to win some cool points. She just looks at me and says, "That song is on the adult top 40. No kids really like it".

2. I felt the need to make a comment about Hannah Montana to my 9 year old cousin in order to win "cool points".

3. I flipped the radio to KISS 107, listened for approximately 30 seconds, then switched it to WARM 98 thinking "I just don’t get the popular music these days."

4. I became enraged when the car behind me, filled with teenage punks, blasted their music so loud it shook my windows.

5. I called the kids in that car "teenage punks".

6. My friends and I now arrange our get togethers for much earlier in the evening because we all get tired around 10:00.

7. When we do get together, we reminisce about the "good old days" and actually mean it.

8. I’m starting to ache in places that used to be strong and I find it extremely difficult to get up off the floor.

Help! My life is slipping out of my fingers! Before I know it, I’ll be wearing pants that rise higher than my belly button, more and more people will start calling me "ma’am", and I’ll be saying, "Help I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!".

Here's the Scoop

2008-03-11T18:54:00.002-04:00

Here it is: my newest installment. I intended to write this earlier (like when I was trapped inside for three days because of the snow) but, well, I plum didn't feel like it. But now I feel like it, so here you go:

I'm sorry for the out-of-the-area people who did not get to experience the "Blizzard" last week. It was not really a blizzard, but we just don't know how to handle snow in Cincinnati, so a Blizzard is what we call it. It was a heck of a good snowfall though. We got a foot in my area, more in others. I live in a basement apartment, so half our windows were blocked by a pile of white and that was neat. Like living in a cave. They shut my work down (like most other places in the city) at about 10:00 on Friday morning, so that meant an extra long weekend at home cuddling up with my hubby (that is, when we weren't bickering and biting each other's heads off because of the cabin fever). Overall, being snowed in was a very fun experience. We made several TV shows on our video camera, which I will gladly show anyone who asks. The soap opera was my favorite, but the CSI wasn't bad either. Haha…yeah…we're nerds, really, but at least we have fun! I posted some pics of us out in the snow on Saturday.

Tobin and I made a Decision. We are moving to Florida in 2 years. He's going to finish up his degree here (because it's free sine I work here and how can you pass that up?) and then it's South we go! I'm really excited about this for several reasons. 1) I would like to become closer with my dad. I love my dad a lot. I've lived far away from my dad for most of my life, though, and to be living close to him is something that I think (well, hope anyway) would do wonders to bring us closer. I feel like things have gotten better…deeper…with him since I lived with him that year after I graduated college, but I am longing for the day when things are even better, like they are with my mom. Well, I know I will never have any relationship that compares to what I have with my mom, but you know what I mean, right? 2) The beach has always and forever called me back to it since the day my mom took us away to live in the Nati. 3) Tobin and I feel a strong sense of calling to the Palm Beach County area to work in ministry there and I have had a desire to go back there ever since left my job at Youth for Christ so to actually be going back and doing something is exhilarating. I am also very sad and nervous about this decision for several reasons. A) My family is here. Mom, grandma, aunts, uncles, cousins. We are a very tight knit group of folks and to think about missing out on Friday night pizza or all the birthday parties, that breaks my heart. Literally…just thinking about it right now has torn my heart into shreds. B) My friends are here, or at least the ones who aren't come back here a few times a year. I will miss them terribly and it won't be the same without game night and Graeter's + LaRosa's (or vice versa). C) I generally love the city of Cincinnati. It is beautiful, historical, and the people are nicer than any you'll find elsewhere. Okay, enough on this subject because I think I might cry if I think about leaving too much.

I miss my Grandpa. Not a day goes by when I don't think about him. I'm reminded of him every time I see a cardinal or hear a corny joke. Grandma gave Tobin some of his old clothes, and when I opened the bag and saw that Old Navy flag shirt, I lost every ounce of breath that was in my lungs. I'm not going to let Tobin wear that one.

Today is the slowest day ever. Seriously. I think if you were to actually count the seconds per minute, today you would find that there are 200 instead of just 60. I'm sure of it…try it. I think it feel s so slow because it's Spring Break, so all of the students are off campus and that makes this place dead and completely boring. Sure, I've had some good moments joking around with the Admissions people (whom you can always count on if you want to take a break from working since I'm not quite sure they ever really do work), but all in all, I wish 4:30 would hurry on up. If you work in Admissions and you're reading this, I hope you know I was kidding in my previous sentence. I know you work at least a few minutes out of the day, but let's be real: no one works like Student Financial Services. We are pretty much the cog that keeps this wheel turning. Plus, we have cake here, so that officially makes us the best department on campus.

Ooo, speaking of cake, I have good news to report: I haven't been eating cake! Or if I have eaten it, I've been fully aware of the point value and have adjusted that day's diet accordingly. In other words, I've been doing great on Weight Watchers!! I've reached my 5% weight loss goal, and am aiming for that 10% in the next 6 weeks. I'm becoming a new person! I owe my success to my husband, without whom I would have quit approximately 2 days after I started.

I need to get back to work…I don't want anyone to get confused and mistake me for an Admissions counselor. ;)

It's been a pleasure blogging with you today, and thank you for reading!

Rollercoaster Friday

2008-02-15T15:27:00.001-05:00

So apparently you all are good prayers. When Tobin got home from work today, there was a message on the machine. It was from a company that he turned down months ago because they were offering him a job he wasn't interested in. The message says they have a tech support job open and would really like him to consider. He calls them back, and wouldn't you know it? He starts Monday, full time. It's only a 3 month contract, but with an option to renew.

This is what happens when you pray and expect God to answer.

Unhappy Friday!

2008-02-15T13:59:00.000-05:00

Never mind about most of the stuff I said in the last post. Tobin just lost his job. No house, no baby, and certainly no reloction in the near future for us now.
If you pray, please pray for us.
And if you know anyone who is looking for an IT guy, Computer Networker, etc. (or basically any lead on any job, really), let us know!!

Happy Friday!

2008-02-15T08:40:00.000-05:00

It's friday and that makes me happy. Other things that make me happy:
- Losing 10 pounds in five weeks because I've joined Weight Watchers and am really taking it seriously this time.
- Knowing that loosing a lot of weight will result in Tobin and I trying to have a baby.
- Spending Valentine's Day with my husband by eating out and going shopping.
- Going to look at a perfectly priced condo that could become our new home, depending on a few different factors.
- Watching my husband go back to school to study pastoral leadership so we can go do ministry somewhere.
- Knowing that the "somewhere" we will be doing ministry is FLORIDA!
- Catching up with Marisa, my friend who is home from Uganda and getting married.
- New episodes of Lost and Survivor.

WHAT THE HELL?

2008-01-04T18:58:00.000-05:00

THAT'S IT! THIS HAS GOT TO STOP! MY GRANDPA AND TOBIN'S AUNT MELINDA ON THE SAME DAY??? I CAN'T HANDLE THIS!!!! I SWEAR, IF ONE MORE PERSON I KNOW DIES, I MIGHT KILL MYSELF AND JOIN MY GRANDPA AT HOME IN HEAVEN. Okay, that last part isn't true, but for goodness sake, ENOUGH ALREADY!!!!

I wonder what stage of Grief this is...?

2008-01-04T02:59:00.000-05:00

...The stage where you buy stuffed animals?

1:30 AM the phone rings and I know before answering it what the news will be. Grandpa didn't make it through the night. I had already been awake for hours praying for God to take away his pain. I knew hours ago he would go Home tonight.

Ten minutes later, I think I'm going to throw up. I go to the bathroom, but nothing happens except a bloody nose.

I call my brother in California because I know he'll be awake with the time difference. We have to find a way to get him home.

I stand in the middle of the room, just staring blankly. What now? So I head to Kroger. It's 2:00 AM now. It's the only thing open around here. What else am I supposed to do?

I buy a box of tissues, a 2 liter of Sprite, and this plush dinosaur that was on sale for $1.00.
Now it's 2:30 AM and I'm home. What am I supposed to do now? Sleep? Like that will be possible. I guess I'll just go lay there in the dark because...what else am I supposed to do?

The Dawn

2006-01-19T19:37:00.000-05:00

Today was a good day. For the past few weeks, I've been feeling spiritually numb. My quite times have suffered greatly. I lost my reason, my purpose in life. This morning, I opened my Bible, practically forcing myself to sit down and read the Word. I read a paragraph or so, then realized that I hadn't taken in a single thing I read. I was just going through the motions. Desperate, I tossed my Bible to the side, got down on my knees and cried--literally cried out--to God. "God, what am I doing here?? This time should mean something. Can't you just make it count? Why won't you just reveal something to me? Make this meaningful!!!" Tears streaming down my face, I opened my Bible again...just randomly flipped to a page and started reading...

"Ask and it will be given to you; Seek and you will find; knock and the door will be open to you."

I then sensed the Holy Spirit stirring up in me, and giving me a plan and ways to make my quite times meaningful. (I'll not share the details now...this story is about His faithfulness.) Feeling a bit more hopeful, I left for work. As I turned my car around the corner, there stretched before me was an expanse of sky lit up with the most stunning pink sunrise I have ever seen in my life. Again, I was brought to tears as I realized the depth of God's faithfulness, the endlessness of his love. God knows me. He knows I love sunrises. He knows I adore the color pink. God cares about me.

Our God is a personal God. That sunrise was in the sky for approximately 3 minutes, and then it was gone. And while he was probably using that very sunrise to encourage his other children at the same time, I felt as if it was meant just for me. As if God was saying, "You asked for meaning. I gave you meaning. You sought me. You found me. You knocked. I threw the door open. You started your day with me. I love you. Come...follow me."

My Space

2006-01-16T20:18:00.000-05:00

I have a MySpace now. I know, I know, I just got here to blogspot. Well, I haven't decided to give this up yet. I think I may blog here, and do other stuff there. But anyway. If there's a long pause in my blogging and you're wondering what I'm up to, just come on over to http://www.myspace.com/ancientlymodern and see what I'm up to. Heck, start your own MySpace. This thing is awesome. Have you any idea how many friends I've found from high school, England, and college that I never thought I'd talk to again?? It's great!

Anywho...

I think I might start wearing makeup now.

it IS all blob-like and yellow-y

2006-01-06T17:37:00.000-05:00

I'm watching a talk show about people with phobias of mustard. Mustard? Why mustard? Heights, Clowns, dogs, heck even pickles I'd understand. But MUSTARD? I wonder if it's just yellow mustard or if grey poupon is included? Dijon? The honey kind?

Consumed

2006-01-06T17:31:00.000-05:00

Fire. It seems like it's everywhere of late. Last night, the house accross the street from Tobin's house was on fire. Major fire. You could smell the smoke all the way at my house. There were 6 fire trucks there to fight it.

Then I saw on the news a story about the brush fires in Texas. The haggard looking couple was on TV in front of what was left of their house talking about how they smelled the smoke from the fires and looked out their front porch. They could see the fire down the street, and so the wife tried to get the hose out and wet down the house. Before they could even get the hose out of the garage, their house was in flames. It spread that quickly. I had no idea these fires were that serious. I mean, I knew they were big and moving rapidly and spreading far, but I had in my mind a picture of acres of forest and uninhabited land burning down. Not neighborhoods. Not people's houses. I feel kind of guilty now, sitting here in this warm cozy apartment sipping some tea and surfing the net on my laptop while that couple and many others like them are displaced because all of their possesions are now ashes.

love and the net

2006-01-03T18:43:00.000-05:00

I'm officially on-line and I officially love Tobin Johns Schueler, III. Okay, so he's not a III, but I have fun adding that to his name. Hehe. More insights to my life and other such randomness later.

Chi-Town

2005-12-30T11:10:00.000-05:00

Tobin and I are in Chicago right now. I like being here with him. I like being anywhere with him. I love him, and he knows it. :)

Do you ever feel like you're not living your life? Like you have this job and this family and these friends and this boyfriend and these social activities and everything is really busy, but you step outside of yourself and think, "Who am I and how did I get here?" It feels like there is a whirlwind of activity surrounding my life, but I don't feel like I'm the one living it. It's like a movie that the soul inside of me is just watching. It's wierd. Like sometimes I seem like a stranger to myself, ya know? Hmm.

Happy Holydays

2005-12-28T15:31:00.000-05:00

I hope all who are within eye shot of this blog entry had a very Merry Christmas and will have a very Happy New Year. I got a laptop for Christmas, so this means I get to update my blog more often. yay! So I got a home phone yesterday so I can get the internet, and it's broken already. They are sending someone out to fix it between 12:30 and 4:30 tomorrow, which is when I should have been driving to Chicago for New Year's. I'm so bummed. Not only will I get to Chicago way late, but I have to back out on my last chance to see Tracy before she left for NC again too. And Cincy Bell charges $99 just to come and look at the phone to see what's wrong with it...is that ridiculous or what!?! Luckily, I won't have to pay tomorrow since the service was just started yesterday. Anyway, I need to do some laundry. Later Taters!

updates

2005-12-03T13:28:00.000-05:00

I've copied some of my favorite entries from my old blog. Have a looksie if it pleases you.

Every Up Has One.

2005-12-03T12:44:00.000-05:00

Feeling kind of down this morning. I don't really know why. I've been having steady devotion times, things with Tobin are more amazing every day, I have a great full-time job that I'm starting to love, the holidays are upon us, and I know a great secret that makes me happy. :) So I have no idea why I would feel so down today. Okay, that's kind of a lie. I DO know why I'm down.

Imagine this...

You meet a person and you click almost immediately. You become close friends in a very short amount of time, and you talk to each other pretty much every day, about everything from the men in your life to deep questions about your faith to painful bra straps. You think someday she'll be one of your bridesmaids and maybe even someday you'll share the troubles you're having with your husband or advice about raising your kids over a bowl of ice cream. It's a friendship you long to keep forever, because you are both women of God who understand each other. Now imagine that doesn't happen. Instead, you stop talking for a reason you can't even figure out. There's no argument, no big event, nothing. Just one day the phone doesn't ring. And it doesn't the next either, or the next. And your phonecalls go unanswered, and your emails unread. That's it. Your friend has just decided to forget you.

And that's why I'm down, I guess. I've been ignoring it for the past couple weeks, telling myself that I have other friends and I have Tobin, and Lord knows that if he was all the company I had for the rest of my life, I'd still be able to be happy. But really, I am so very hurt. It's been building up for so long, and I can't ignore it anymore.

In the meantime, it's opened my eyes to the hurt I've probably cause some of my old friends by doing something similar to them. I suck.

It's that time of year...

2005-11-25T13:14:00.000-05:00

I got up at the butt crack of dawn to go to Circuit City at 4:00 a.m. to beat the Holiday Shopping rush. Am I nuts???? I had my eye on this laptop computer. It was only $199!! Unfortunately for me, so did everyone else and their brother's brother. The store opened at 5:00, so I was thinking getting there at 4:00 would give me plently of time. HA! I guess those of you experienced Black Friday shoppers can spot my naivity miles away. I waited for an hour, got in the doors (barely), only to find out that they had given vouchers for the laptop out to those in line a long time ago. BOO! So no laptop for me, which means no internet, which means a suffering Blog. :(

On the up side, tomorrow is Clay Day! YAY!

I Welcome Myself to Blogger.com!

2005-11-24T19:36:00.000-05:00

So Dana says I need to start a Blog on this site because she's on it and it's better. But I have my thing going at ujournal, and have been blogging there for two years now, so why end a good thing, right? But she gets this error message when she tries to go on my Blog, see? It's saying something stupid like, "Ahem, Attention Computer User: You can't access this Blog at this time. Nah Nah Nah Boo Boo." Well, I hadn't had any complaints so I don't listen to her. Ya following me? Okay, so then I sign on to update my own blog, and I get the same stupid error message. So enough of that! I already went through a period where my blog was out of commission for 4 whole months while they got their site straigtended out!! So I'm moving myself over to the better side. HERE I AM, WORLD, READ ME FREELY! And so, I shake you warmly by the hand and invite you to grab a cuppa, kick back, and enjoy...

Jen's Blog.

(I'll also be trying to move over some of my more note-worthy blogs from "the other" site over the next few weeks as I settle into my new home here. I wouldn't want to loose the whole two years of my life that I spent blogging over there.)

I shouldn't be taking time to do this, but...

2005-11-21T13:01:00.000-05:00

I shouldn't be taking time to do this, but.......I saw this on Dana Lynn's blog and thought, "hmm, what a neat blog entry" so I'm stealing it from her, who stole it from Holly, who-if she thought it up-is a very creative young lass.

FOUR THINGS I USE EVERYDAY:
Cell Phone
Deodorant
Body Butter
Too Much Gasoline

FOUR JOBS I'VE HAD IN MY LIFE:
Babysitter
Accounts Recievable Clerk
Cashier
Missionary

FOUR STORES I SHOP AT MOST:
Old Navy
JC Penny
Target
Kroger

FOUR MOVIES I COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER:
Pirates of the Carribean
Secret Window
Finding Neverland
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (are we sensing a pattern? I love Johnny Depp)

FOUR THINGS I WANT TO DO IN LIFE:
Learn Japanese
Marry Tobin
Hold a monkey
Go back to England

FOUR PLACES I'VE BEEN ON VACATION:
Florida
Washington D.C.
Chicago
Los Angeles

FOUR WEBSITES I VISIT DAILY:
Yahoo
CCU Homepage
eBay
Clay Messageboards

FOUR OF MY ALL-TIME FAVORITE RESTAURANTS:
Olive Garden
Friday's
Angilo's
Outback Steakhouse

FOUR SCHOOLS I'VE ATTENDED:
Oakdale Elementary
Bridgetown Junior High
Oak Hills High School
Cincinnati Christian University (formerly CBC)

FOUR OF MY FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPINGS:
Pepperoni
Mushrooms
Cheese
Ranch Dip

FOUR MOST DIALED NUMBERS:
Tobin
Mom's work
Mom's home
Voicemail

FOUR SONGS I CAN'T SEEM TO STOP LISTENING TO:
"O Holy Night" - Kelly Clarkson
"Mary Did You Know?" - Clay Aiken
"Cool Yule" - Louis Armstrong
"Carol of the Meows" - Guster (hey, it's that time of year)

FOUR SHOWS I HATE MISSING:
Survivor
Lost
Amazing Race
American Idol (when it's on)

FOUR MOST USED PRHASES:
"Nothing" (when asked "What's wrong")
"I have a headache the size of Montana"
"Yeppers Skeppers"
"That is the most [fill in the blank] thing I have ever heard in the history of my life!"

Cliff's Notes

2005-11-20T13:09:00.000-05:00

Let me update this blog in a nutshell. Sorry for the scarcity of blog entries, for you loyal readers out there. Once I get the internet at my apartment, it will all change, I promise. So here's hoping I get that laptop for Christmas! In the mean time, here are the updates on the most important areas of my life:

God: After a short spiritual rut of indifference, God has renewed the fire in my heart to serve him. I have been called to go on a short mission trip to Japan. I don't know yet when this trip will take place, but if I were to pick, it would the the summer of 2007. More updates and details to follow, but I am VERY excited about it!!!

Love: Tobin and I are doing absolutely great! We are growing together and learning more about each other every day. I am convinced he is the man I am meant to marry. 1-3 years, baby!

Friends: I haven't been seeing as much of my close friends lately as I would like. I miss Baby T, Annie Boo, and Super C most of all. I did get to spend some time with Dana this past weekend and it was a TON of fun, and much needed. I've been having some trouble with one of my newer friends lately. My heart breaks for the situation and my feelings are somewhat hurt as well. I pray that it will heal soon.

Family: I miss my brother Dave now more than ever with Thanksgiving approaching. I hope he knows how much we love him at home.

Clay: The concert is less than a week away, YAYHOO!!! Did I mention this one is in Cincinnati??? Hehe.

Work: I start full time as of next Monday. This is good because I get health insurance, and I can finally go to the doctor or get sick at will (not that I plan on it). The bad thing about this is I'm not sure how that trip to Lisa's wedding in Florida is all going to pan out. I'll have to wait and see. I'm not panicking about that as of yet.

Well, that's about it. Hope you enjoyed the Cliff's Notes version of my life in the past few months. IF YOU ARE READING THIS BLOG, THEN I MUST LOVE YOU AND I AM VERY THANKFUL FOR YOU!! HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Toblerone

2005-07-04T13:11:00.000-04:00

There's this new guy in my life who I kinda like a lot. :) It makes me smile to think about him, and even though I may only be running on 3 hours of sleep and I know I'll probably see him the next day, I still have a hard time saying goodnight to him. :) He's got gorgeous eyes. And he's an incredible man of God. Things are great!Oh yeah, and I'm learning Japanese. Ah yeah, baby. Japan, here I come and you'd better believe I'll be reading all your words when I get there.

Sweet Justice

2005-06-08T13:13:00.000-04:00

This morning, I was making the usual commute to work, minding my own business, when suddenly my groggy morning daze was broken by a very rude driver (heretofore to be known as Ms. Rude). You know the type. The kind that tails your butt and frowns at you through your rear view mirror, looking all impatient and whatnot. Before I go any further, I would like to go on the record by stating that I have driven this route for 5 years now, seeing as I went to college at the same place I now work. I know the in's and out's of the drive...where to switch lanes to avoid parked cars, what lights to make sure I get through, where the buses stop. Well, it just so happens that Ms. Rude gets behind me in Cheviot. I always go the speed limit through Cheviot. 25 MPH and not a mile over because, as my years of experience have taught me, you don't want to mess with the Cheviot police. They will pull you over for just looking like you might be thinking of speeding! So Ms. Rude pulls up behind me and starts tailing me, but no way am I gonna go faster through that part of town. "She can just wait until we cross over into Westwood," I kept thinking to myself. Then she starts flashing her brights at me and beeping her horn! HELLO!! I was going the speed limit, not under! Then there was a slight break in parked cars in the right hand lane, so she swerves really fast and tries to speed up, but what I can see and she can't is that there are more parked cars up ahead and there's no way she's making it past me, even if I am only going 25 MPH. So she's forced to get behind me again. Point for me. Then we finally cross the line between Cheviot and Westwood. Now, normally, I would pick up the pace a bit there (you rarely even see a cop around that area at that time of day). But I felt like teaching Ms. Rude what it feels like to be a law-abiding citizen. So I kept going the speed limit. More flashing of the brights and honking of the horn. Then there was another break in parked cars, and this time she did make it around me...tires sqealing and horn blazing and everything...but almost as soon as she got in front of me, the light turned red!! Two points for me. The light turns green and Ms. Rude (who I'm sure has had about enough by now) speeds off into the distance. I sped up a little too...after all, I was in Westwood, and there are rarely any cops out there at this time of morning. Emphasis on the word RARELY, meaning it is possible once in a blue moon. And today must have been a blue moon, cuz I'll be darned if after the next traffic light, Ms. Rude wasn't pulled over by one of Westwood's finest. Three points for me and anyone anywhere who has been tailed by one of those drivers. Justice is sweet.

Few Times I've Been Around that Track

2005-05-31T13:14:00.000-04:00

Just got back from NC. It was a good trip. I actually enjoyed the driving by myself thing. A girl needs a little solitude every now and then. The visit with Tracy was loads of fun. On Saturday night, we saw Three Days Grace and the American Idols (except for Carrie and Bo) perform. We also saw little man Ryan Seacrest. And we heard him say, "Seacrest, Out." Aren't you jealous? :-p

Other than that, it was a pretty calm and relaxing weekend. We went to a movie, went shopping, read stuff. A very nice change of pace to the few weeks prior. Except for the BUG thing....yeah, that was stressful. Wanna know about it? Keep reading.

There was this huge...I'm not kidding, it was GIGANTIC...bug on Tracy's wall Sunday night. It looked just like a roach except there's no way a roach could have gotten that big. (In hindsight, I think it was probably a palmetto bug, but at the time we thought it was a roach that had gotten too close to a nuclear reactor). Anyway, so it was too high up on the wall for us to reach with with a shoe, too big for the broom, and of course Tracy, bless her environmentalist heart, didn't have any bug spray with which to kill it. So that left the clever girl solution: hairspray. So I'm thinking, I have no problem killing it, but I didn't want to be standing on the floor in case it dropped off the wall when I sprayed it and started running. So I stood on this little stool Tracy had in her bedroom. Would have been a good way to protect myself....if the thing didn't have wings!!! As soon as I started spraying, it flew right at me. I dropped both my cell phone (I was on the phone with Brian, trying to get advice), and the hairspray, and shoved Tracy out of the room. We shut the door behind us and stuffed a towel under it to trap the thing in there. Great. Except one problem: it was Tracy's bedroom and everything she needed was in there, not to mention my cell phone. So we decided to go back in again...Tracy with the broom and me with the hairspray...to attack the thing and kill it. But it was gone. We knew it was in there, but we didn't know where. So we went through Tracy's things one by one by one to try to find it. This was a long and tedious task, not only because she has a LOT of stuff, but also because we were still petrified by this thing. So we both stood near the doorway. I was the lookout, watching around the door (with hairspray in hand) to make sure the thing didn't escape into the rest of the apartment. Meanwhile, Tracy fished things out of her room one by one with the broom, pounding it to death, and searched through every inch of everything. When one item was considered safe, she'd hand it back to me, and I tossed it in the hallway. We had quite a pile by the time the night was over....which wasn't until 1:00 am, and that only because her neighbor from downstairs came up to yell at us for screaming and pounding on his ceiling. Anyway, we searched through everything in her room and came up with nothing. No bug. Nowhere. But we could still feel it...it was in there. So Tracy slept in the living room (as did I).Next evening. We set a trap for the bug, just out of curiosity to see if it was still there. We put a slice of apple in the room and shut the light off. When we went in a few hours later, there it was...taunting us. Sitting on top of that stupid apple like it was king of the bedroom. Great, so now we knew where it was...but we hadn't devised any plan of how we were gonna kill it once we lured it to our apple trap. It was late at night again, so there would be no stomping on it lest her neighbor would come up AGAIN for us making too much noise. So we devised another girl solution: Tracy would trap it under a cardboard box. We would poke a tiny hole in the box and I would spray the hairspray into the hole until that thing suffocated to death. So we went in for the kill, Tracy with box in hand and me with my hairspray. We were sneaking up ever so slowly on it. I was keeping my eyes on it the whole time. Then Tracy turned to me and whispered something (I've forgotten what, thanks to the trauma that followed). I only glanced up at her for a split second and when I looked back down, the bug was gone. I mean, totally gone, it was no where within at least a 6 inch radius of the apple. So I screamed, because God knows where it could go so fast, but I was thinking up my legs for one. So we ran out of the room, shut the door, and stuffed the towel under it again. And Tracy, once more, didn't sleep in her bedroom.And today, I left. I left my dear friend alone with the big huge bug. I feel badly about that, but I sure am relieved that I don't have to be there anymore. (Although, with my room in the basement and so close to my brother's "party room", there's no telling what kind of creepy crawlies I have in there. But as long as I don't see them, I don't care if they're there.)

Gotta go...it's the last 24@7 tonight. Well, not the last, really, but the last before the summer.

Of Clogs and Jem

2005-05-21T13:16:00.000-04:00

After spilling the iced tea all over Sarah's boyfriend's lap, all Brian could say was, "I'm sorry. So sorry."

If I were called upon to come up with a solution to a national emergency, I would solve the emergency of too many clogs in the world. We'd grind those bad boys up and feed 'em to the prostitutes.

I'm sorry. So Sorry.

Here's a good idea: let's cut the pizza in half while is precariously perched on a flimsy holder.

Clogs are hard. Clogs are real. Clogs are in Lord of the Dance.

Dutch Blitz. Frosted Dairy Dessert.

I'm sorry. So sorry.

Purple is my favorite color.

My mom wears panties.

I'm sorry. So sorry.

(I'm not drunk by the way...I know you probably didn't believe I was if you know me even a little bit, but I did want to clear the record just in case).

Musings

2005-05-20T13:17:00.000-04:00

"You don't know if you'll be something until you are that."

This deep thought has been brought to you by Super C to the McCizzle. May he name them both Corey.

Crazy Busy

2005-05-15T13:18:00.000-04:00

Whoa, have I been busy or what. It all started with Saturday. First, I got up early to clean, clean, and clean some more for Princess J's arrival. Then my dad was in town for, like, 2 seconds. We went to dinner with Mandie (my brother's fiance) and her mom. Then today I got up mega early to have breakfst with my dad (we're talkin' 7:00 am on a weekend). Then I had two planning meetings, church, Dana's Mary Kay debut, the 3 hour Survivor finale. I'm working full time this coming week, so there goes my free days. Tomorrow is my birthday, so I'm going out with friends after work. Tuesday is 24@7. Wednesday is the all-important night of TV (Lost and Idol). Thursday I have plans with Dana. Friday my friend Jeanne from FL is coming into town. Saturday is Mayfest and my birthday celebration with my family. Sunday is the Survivor party. Monday and Tuesday I will be entertaining Jeanne. Then I work Wednesday thru Friday (with several season finales of my favorite shows on those evenings). Then I'm going to North Carolina to visit my girl from Saturday until Tuesday. Then I work again Wednesday thru Friday. Then, and only then, do I FINALLY get to take a break. I'm not complaining, though. It's all mostly fun stuff I get to do. :) Bring it on.Also, I had a really great week at work last week. I am left feeling very satisfied with working at CCU. The position I'm in may not be ideal, but I feel a sense of community and pride for working where I do that makes it all bearable

It's cloudy in FL, but I'm in FL nonetheless

2005-05-01T13:19:00.000-04:00

On vaycay at my dad's place in Clearwater...for the last time, apparently. He's moving to Chicago. More on that later, I'm sure. For now, there's something else on my mind...and it's not Jamba Juice, even though my tastebuds are anticipating the sweet Razzmatazz as I write this...I've been really down lately about my singleness. It's so not like me...I've never been the girl who is desperate to have a boyfriend. I've always loved being single and the one time I was in a relationship, I ended up engaged to someone who couldn't be worse for me. But I've been getting really involved in the small group for my age group at church lately, and they're great and I love them and I spend a lot of time with them...but the group consists of 3 married couples and me. So it's no wonder I've had marriage on the brain lately and I've become really discontent being single. I know it's in God's hands and he'll have someone for me when the time is right, but I'm getting really lonely. And I know people have always said, "once you're content being single, that's when God will send you someone". Well, I've already been trough a time when I was content being single, and no one came along for me. Now I'm not content being single and what happens now? I have to wait until I am content again? That sucks.

And about the job thing...I do like being back on campus at CCU again and I've finally gotten into the swing of things there so I feel like I know what I'm doing (a little bit). But there's just something missing. I think it's really hard for me because the job I had in Florida is my dream job. It's exactly what I would love to do for the rest of my life, but it's just too far away. So anyway, I think that because I know what my dream job is and I know that I could have it if I just moved out of state, it's really hard for me to be 100% happy with whatever job I have here. I'm still praying about that issue. I don't want to be disobedient to God's calling, but I'm just SO attached to my family and friends in Cincinnati. It would be the hugest leap of faith I've ever had to take if I moved down there. I absolutely do not want to do it. But I also don't want to be unhappy with my job for the rest of my life. I've told God that if that if he really wants me to move down there, he's going to have to make it so hit-me-over-the-head obvious that I know there is no other option. We'll see what happens.

Attack of the Easter Bunnies

2005-03-20T13:21:00.000-05:00

There is this candy shop on the corner of my street called the Fawn, and at this time of year I am afraid to drive or walk past it. You see, it's Easter season, and you know what that means? Bunnies. It all started with one bunny. It was one of those big inflatable things, probably 3 feet tall. And pink. Oh so very pink. Now, pink is my favorite color in the whole world and it usually makes me very happy, but this is overkill pink. Gaudy pink. And that bunny has the longest eyelashes you've ever seen on a bunny. And smiling. Yeah, that bunny is smiling like there's no tomorrow. (Although, I guess when you think about it, that's a bad way to put it cuz if there was no tomorrow, I'm sure that bunny wouldn't be smiling that big. So let's just say it was smiling like there's a never ending line of tomorrows). And it's holding this enormous carrot. I mean, that carrot would win first prize at the Harvest Home Fair. It's just so....cute. Anyway, that one bunny has spawned and created new bunnies just like it. They are reproducing at a rapid rate. Every single time I pass the Fawn, there is another one of those bunnies out front. I'm genuinely frightened here, people. The bunnies are taking over the street. I'm terrified that one morning I'll wake up and walk outside my door to see one of those overgrown, so-cute-it-hurts, long-eyelashed, PINK bunnies standing on my front porch holding one of those damn humongous carrots.

Great, now I'm going to have bad dreams.

2005-03-19T13:21:00.000-05:00

Top of the McMorning to ya! Sorry, I know I'm a McFew days McLate to wish you a Happy St. McPatrick's Day, but better late than McNever, right? I was McThinking about the McCelebration of St. McPatrick's Day and here are some McThoughts I came up with (McMinus all the "Mc"s, because it is really McDifficult to add those in McEverywhere):

So how did St. Patrick's Day become a day to get drunk on green beer and pinch people who aren't wearing green? I was studying about the big man Pat himself the other day because I was curious as to how St. Patrick's Day came about, and what I found out has nothing to do with drinking or pinching. Brief History: Patrick is this rich kid from England who lives a very affluent lifestyle, but also lives in a dangerous part of the country. He gets carried off when he is 16 to be a slave in Ireland, where he lives for 6 or 7 years. His master treats him horribly, I mean it is not fun to live Patrick's life. Anyway, he devises this scheme to get him out of slavery and, sure enough, he escapes to some part of France or something and then finds his way back home to England, where his family gets all happy to see him cuz after 7 years, I'm sure they thought he was dead. So he gets back into this rich kid kind of lifestyle, but realizes he wants something more. He feels like he's been given a second chance, right? So he goes to a monastary in France and learns all about God and whatnot, and then he starts having these dreams. And in these dreams, people are speaking in the language of Ireland (a language, I'm sure, haunts him and makes him cringe after all those years of slavery there), but these dreams won't stop, he has them every night. And in his dreams, the people are crying, "Patrick, come and tell us about Jesus." Over and over again, night after night, that's all he dreams about. So Pat decides he can't hide from it anymore...he's obviously being called to be a missionary in Ireland. So even though his mind is filled with all these horrible memories of that place, he goes back anyway and spends the rest of his life there and ends up starting this major huge revival...churches pop up everywhere, people are straigtening out their lives, stuff like that.

I ask you, how did a day dedicated to celebrating the life of a saint, a missionary, a man devoted to God, become a day of drunkenness and pinching? How does the meaning become so totally lost? The same is true for pretty much every other holiday: Christmas = presents, Easter = candy, Halloween = costumes, Mardi Gras = nudity. The only holiday that has kept its original meaning is President's Day...cuz that was always established just so that stores could have amazing sales, ya know? And as much as I LIKE candy and presents and sales and nudity (hehe, it's a joke folks, come on), I think it would be nice to celebrate the actual meaning behind these holidays

Divorce. $349.

2005-03-16T13:22:00.000-05:00

It's been a while...let's leave it at that.I'm freezing. Dang this non-Florida-like weather. Winter is so getting old. So much for the groundhog's shadow theory.

I saw something that really bothered me the other day. It was an advertisment on a bus stop bench for some place that does legal paperwork and it just said in real big bold letters, "DIVORCE. $349." Then at the bottom in smaller letters, it said something about it being the cheapest way to obtain legal papers in Cincinnati or something like that. This makes me sadder than I can ever explain. How did it come to this? We are living in a world where divorce is so accepted, so commonplace, that it's become an advertising campaign. "Hey, look, we have the cheapest way to get a divorce, so come to us!!" Companies are acutally OUTBIDDING each other. As if divorce is some product in high demand. Half of all marriages end in divorce...HALF! That is an extrodinarily high number. What is wrong with this country? Let me interject something here, because I don't want to offend anyone: if you are divorced, I'm not trying to put you down for getting divorced. I'm merely commenting on the sad fact that half...HALF...of the people in this country who get married are going to get their hearts broken, their dreams dissappointed, and their goals unrealized. It tears me up inside.

I can't even feel my fingers now. I'm going to get under the covers (alone, as I'm thinking I'll never get married because the odds of me staying married aren't that great).

I want a fireplace. Ahh, that'd be toasty.

Sorry for my Neglect

2005-01-31T13:25:00.000-05:00

I've been so neglectful towards my blog lately...shame on me! Basically, I haven't been writing any entries because there's just not much to write. I have been dealing with a lot of negative feelings lately. Well, not exactly negative, but not exactly good either. I've just kinda been questioning why I'm here in Cincinnati. I feel like I am where God wants me right now, but I've been having a hard time trying to understand why. I still don't know why, but I am learning more about trust. I don't need to know why right now.

I guess I've been having such a hard time with it all because I've been too focused on the way I view things and haven't been spending enough time with looking at things the way God views them....that's a really hard thing to do, considering I'm not God. But recently I've realized that there is one thought I've been having that needed to change, and once I changed that thought, those negative feelings have gone away. See, I've been thinking, "Why would God want me in Cincinnati when it's so easy for me to be here? Isn't doing God's will supposed to take you out of your comfort zone? How can He accomplish anything significant through me when I'm not being challenged daily with an 'official' minsitry like YFC?" I've been praying about those feelings and I've realized two things:

1) It is possible for me to be within my comfort zone and still be in God's will. God sometimes takes us through times of pruning when He's preparing us for something else. This could just be a little rest stop before He calls me to something else. I'm still ministering. God is still using me. Just because I'm not with an official ministry, just because my career is not ministry, doesn't mean He's not using me. And if God is allowing me some time to be in a familiar place with familiar people, then I should be PRAISING Him for it, not wondering what's wrong.

2) For me to say God can't do anything significant through me here in Cincinnati says a lot more about my faith in God than my belief in myself. If I ever say God can't do anything significant in any situation, I need to stop and re-committ myself to my faith. God can, of course, do anything he wants. And if He wants to accomplish something significant through me in Cincinnati, He can do it and who am I to say it can't happen?

So, there ya go. Two truths that have taken nearly 8 months for me to learn. Better late than never, right?

Alphabet Soup

2004-12-19T13:27:00.000-05:00

I was just thinking about that saying, "dot your i's and cross your t's". I don't think it's a very fair saying. How come i's and t's get all the glory? You have to dot lower case j's. And you cross f's and upper case J's as well. So why can't the saying go, "dot your i's and cross your f's"? Or even, "dotting the lower case j's and crossing the upper case ones." J's and F's belong to a race of oppressed minories. This must be stopped!

So this is what it feels like to hit Rock Bottom

2004-12-19T13:26:00.000-05:00

Well, maybe I'm not at Rock Bottom, but I sure am a sad girl today. I had a chance to be face to face...right up close...with Clay Aiken and have my book signed by him...a SIGNED BOOK, something that would last forever and remind me that I was at one time able to look straight into those beautiful eyes. But I have to give it up. There's no words to describe how hard it is to have that chance firmly in my grasp and then let it go. My heart aches.